September through December reading notes & a year-end thought on writing

Every few months, I blog about what I've been reading.  Here's the latest installment of my reading notes:

 

Middle School Literature
Along with another mom, I facilitate a middle school literature group, and the first three books on this list were selections for our group. 
The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin
I love this book's very clever take on the mystery genre.  A spunky heroine and a cast of intriguing characters, plenty of wordplay and lots of puzzles and clues keep readers of all ages interested.  Our literature group had a lot of fun discussing this book!
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare
This Newberry Award-winning book is a well-written and fascinating work of historical fiction that takes place around the time of the Salem Witch Trials. 
Black Beauty by Anna Sewell
I'm glad I finally read this classic and can see why the story has endured.  Black Beauty is a sympathetic and endearing narrator.  This beautifully-written novel is a window into the era in which it is was written.  Sewell's commitment to exposing animal cruelty and to promoting the virtues of kindness and altruism are as relevant as ever. 
Beorn the Proud by Madeleine A. Pollard
This is a decent and adventurous historical novel about the Vikings.  We read it because it coincided with the time period that my daughter was studying.

 

Novels
Harriet Wolf's Seventh Book of Wonders by Julianna Baggott
Having enjoyed some of Julianna Baggott's posts about writing, I decided to read one of her novels.  I liked the plot about a celebrity author turned recluse and a missing manuscript, told from various perspectives and at different points in time.  Fascinating characters and a great story!
The Martian by Andy Weir
It's not exactly my cup of tea, but I enjoyed some aspects of this creative survival story.  The author's style is very casual, and there's too many scientific details for my personal taste.  Still, I was compelled to keep reading and cheer for the resourceful and funny protagonist.  I hope to see the movie soon.
State of Wonder by Ann Patchett
I read this because Elizabeth Gilbert refers to the novel in Big Magic (see below).  The exotic setting, quirky characters and mysterious circumstances captured my interest. 
Pure by Julianna Baggottt
When I saw that Baggott also wrote a series of dystopian fiction, I was excited to see her take on that genre.  This series is darker and better written than other, more popular dystopian series that I've read.  I like it and have already started reading the second book.

 

Nonfiction
Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
Excerpts from this book, as well as Gilbert's Magic Lessons podcasts, were resources for an online writing class I took.  I had the book from the library and read it very quickly.  I received a copy for my birthday and look forward to rereading it.
Yes, Please by Amy Poehler
Pretty funny, but I didn't enjoy it as much as Tina Fey's Bossypants.
The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles by Steven Pressfield
This was an interesting read in conjunction with Big Magic.  The bottom line is that you just have to sit down and do the work.  However, it can help to hear that message repeatedly and in a variety of ways, so this short book was definitely worth the read.
Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates
A National Book Award winner that is on many "best of" and recommended lists for 2015.  You should read this book.  It's an important perspective on race and America's racial history and is written as a letter to the author's teenage son.  I thought it was hard to get into and a bit repetitive at parts.  Yet overall I found this to be a beautifully-written and insightful book, and I'll be rereading it for sure.  

*****

This is my 36th blog post of 2015.  I averaged three posts per month, although in a very inconsistent way.  My last post before this one was more than a month ago, for example.  And yet I'm hopeful for my writing life in 2016.  I have lots of ideas.  And I've been scribbling away in a notebook since the very busy days of Christmas passed.  I know what I want to do, and I can do it - create a regular and consistent writing habit forged by self-discipline and focus.  May 2016 be my year of writing consistently!

Happy New Year!     

This is 47

Happy Thanksgiving!  I haven't blogged for a few weeks, although I have been writing.  I'm thankful for my writing life.  Right now, I'm particularly grateful for my participation in Principles & Prompts, an online course on creativity, story, and writing.  The course is taught by writer Christi Craig, and I'm enjoying it and learning a lot.

In other writing news...  Last week I had a deadline for a grant proposal I was writing.  A snafu with that process prompted me to write the first section of the piece below.  With my 47th birthday approaching and the upcoming (now here) Thanksgiving holiday, I added a few more sections that reflect the challenges of my 47 years along with gifts that outweigh those challenges.  I remembered seeing essays (in Brain, Child Magazine I think) that were titled This is 10 or This is 18, about various stages of childhood.  So, I thought why not This is 47?  It's just a brief and unpolished written snapshot of 47, but I like it all the same. 

This is 47

47 is I wrote the wrong address on the envelope

And on every. single. copy. of the grant proposal inside

I didn’t realize until the nice woman at the post office told me

That the address didn’t match the zip code

47 is being grateful for the postal worker and her computer that caught the error

And not freaking out about it like I used to

And laughing at myself because

I had seriously double-checked it so many times

47 is taking a breath and then…re-printing, mailing and moving on

 

47 is my lower back often aches

Sometimes I wake up at night and my shirt is soaking wet

My metabolism has left me for good

And I don’t sleep very well at all

47 is also appreciating this body

This achy-sweaty-soft and still strong body

That lives, loves, laughs, thinks, writes, reads, runs, sings & dances

That gave birth to three babies

47 is gratitude for the gifts of this living body

 

47 is the mom of a tween and two teens

Who are growing up as they should, but it sometimes breaks my heart

They can be moody and defiant and brutally honest

They are irritated by my excessive questions and want to be left alone

47 is also the mom of vibrant & curious people growing into their independent selves

Who make beautiful cards or write long notes for my birthday

They share my affection for babies and kittens

They express gratitude regularly, serve others willingly & encourage me to write

47 is three children whom I love infinitely and who love me too

 

47 is worrying about a lot of stuff

About teenage drivers and college applications

About meal planning and mortgage payments

About violence in our neighborhood and violence in our world

But 47 is also less worried about certain things too

I’m more comfortable in my skin

Less worried what others think

More embracing of who I am

And willing to open up to the creativity and potential

Of my 47 year old self

"Prettyish kind of a little wilderness" - in the city

I often visit my favorite neighborhood park, Kern Park, and the photos above were taken there last week.  They are quick snapshots captured on a partly cloudy day with a camera phone.  Yet they still show the beauty of one of my favorite spots.  Recently I've spent time in another beautiful city park, Washington Park.  Visiting these lovely urban natural spaces made me think of the phrase "prettyish kind of a little wilderness."  I love that phrase!  If you've read Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice or watched any of the film adaptations, you may recognize it.  I'm not sure if it makes the cut in all of the film adaptations, but it is definitely featured in the 1995 BBC miniseries.  The imposing character Lady Catherine de Bourgh speaks the line, as follows:

Miss Bennet, there seemed to be a prettyish kind of a little wilderness on one side of your lawn.  I should be glad to take a turn in it, if you will favour me with your company.

Before I veer off into Austenland, let's return to the parks.

Washington Park on a sunny day

When I visit these wild urban spaces, I'm in my very own "prettyish kind of a little wilderness."  I feel so fortunate to have such beautiful parks in the heart of my city.  And I enjoy watching them transform throughout the seasons.  Right now, there's explosive color and bare branches and leaves crunching underfoot.  Reflecting on the beauty of these places also reminded me of a post I read about a year ago.  It perplexed me when a person wrote about how good or lucky or fortunate it is to live in the country in the autumn.  The leaves change color on our trees in the city too, I thought.  I guess she just meant that she was more surrounded by the colors of fall than those of us who live in more developed areas, like cities and suburbs.  That's true.  It can be nice to head out of the city to visit forests or state parks or scenic areas in the country. 

And yet, it's so important to be grateful for and to appreciate what's most accessible to us.  To cherish the place where we live.  To visit the nature in our neighborhoods.  To find our own favorite "prettyish kind of a little wilderness."

*****
Here are more photos of Washington Park, on a cloudy and peaceful day. 

 

*****

I often write about my neighborhood and city.  If you enjoyed this post, you might also enjoy:
See the trees
Nature therapy
The place where I live, redux

Orion Magazine, Place Where You Live - Milwaukee, Wisconsin:
https://orionmagazine.org/place/milwaukee-wisconsin-7739/

Collecting ideas

I just finished reading a good book, Harriet Wolf’s Seventh Book of Wonders by Julianna Baggott.  In the acknowledgements, the author mentions some inspirations for parts of the novel, including a newspaper clipping about a plane crash that she read as a child and a book's footnote about the Maryland School for Feeble Minded Children.  Baggott collected ideas, from childhood through adulthood.  And then she connected them, along with other ideas collected and imagined along the way, into a larger story.  She made something new.  That’s what good writers do, I think, whether it's poetry, essays, short stories, novels. 

Writers are idea collectors.  We collect and observe and ponder.  Who knows where those ideas will lead?  Artists collect ideas too, inventors, scientists, business owners, researchers...anyone working on a project for work, for school, for home, for fun.  Most of us collect ideas in one way or another, intentionally or not.

basket of notebooks & folders for collecting ideas

I have a few ways that I intentionally collect ideas for writing: 

a file folder in a drawer labeled “writing ideas” - I haven’t added anything to this folder for at least a few years because the file cabinet is no longer near where I work.  Things got moved around over the years without much thought about location.

a “writing projects” folder on the desktop of my computer - Here I save a variety of documents – quickly written notes, planned stories or essays, stream of consciousness diatribes, unsent letters or rants or editorials, journal entries, memories, etc.

the “Notes” app on my smart phone – I occasionally jot down something when I'm out and about - snippets of ideas or a few lines or overheard dialogue.

notebooks and the accompanying scraps of paper shoved into these notebooks – At times, I’ve been pretty consistent about writing “morning pages” in a spiral notebook.  I sometimes jot down blog ideas in another notebook.  I also have a composition notebook that I use as a commonplace book to copy down quotes, poems, favorite passages from books, etc.  I haven’t used these notebooks with any regularity in the past several months.

my brain – This is often the least reliable idea collector, but it’s the most accessible.  Maybe I remember the ideas that I want to make note of later.  Often I don't.  But sometimes I do remember, or the idea keeps coming back to me in various ways. 
  

I enjoy reading about the processes of other idea collectors.  There are books and websites and exhibits that let us take a peek into the notebooks, journals, sketchbooks and scrapbooks of artists and writers.  It’s inspiring.  My own idea collection could use some refinement.  Although I can see myself getting too caught up in the method or vehicle for collecting ideas rather than the collecting part, so perhaps it's okay if I stick with my haphazard methods.

Which leads me back to Harriet Wolf’s Seventh Book of Wonders.  Julianna Baggott mentions the clipping about the plane crash that she saw as a child, and also her main character Harriet clips and saves articles in a scrap book.  Reading this motivated me to get my “writing ideas” folder out of the filing cabinet downstairs.  Inside is a short article from a parenting magazine, “A Chart to Make Getting Dressed a Breeze.”  The author created a weather chart on an erasable calendar, which also included a list of appropriate clothing for specific weather.  There were guidelines, as in - if it’s below 50 degrees, you must wear long sleeves and pants and a fleece jacket. 

I didn’t clip the article because I thought it was a good idea.  Not that it’s a“bad” idea, but it struck me as curious that someone would do this.  I knew that I would never create or compel my children to follow such a chart.  The kid who had sensory issues and needed to wear clothing that felt right.  The kid who refused to wear shorts one summer.  The kids (including the same one who refused shorts one summer) who insisted on wearing shorts once the temperature hit about 45-50 degrees in the spring.  The kids who wore sweatshirts rather than winter jackets at the outdoor ice-skating rink, because they really were warm enough.  The kid who would only wear sweatpants and never jeans, because he didn’t like the feel or fit.  Then a few years later – it was vice-versa. 

Maybe I clipped and saved the article about the weather chart because I thought I might write a humorous essay about my children's clothing choices.  Or maybe the clipping would inspire a more philosophical essay on the extent to which we do or don’t give our children choices.  Or perhaps the clipping would help describe a fictional character in a story, a mother who would create such a chart. 

I had no clear purpose for what I might do with it when I tucked that article into the folder, but I'm glad I did.  It helped me write this blog post, and it illustrated my point about collecting ideas very well. 

No such thing as unready & uninspired

This quote, attributed to actor Hugh Laurie, has shown up on FB a lot recently.

Last week, I finished the #30PostsHathSept blog challenge.  My goal was to write fifteen blog posts in the month of September, and I did.  I approached the challenge somewhat haphazardly with no particular plan of what I would write about.  That's part of what's so great about a blog challenge.  I couldn't wait to be inspired or "ready" as the quote above says - I just had to write.

When I wrote my fifteenth post of the month last Wednesday, I thought I'd take a break for a few days.  I know how important momentum is when it comes to writing and blogging.  I wrote about that in my one year blog anniversary post:  "Momentum is key, as it is with so many habits.  The more frequently I blog, the more motivated I am to keep up with it.  It's very hard to get back to blogging after neglecting it for weeks or a month at a time."   

On the other hand, I convinced myself that I "deserved" a few days break after completing the challenge.  This is a common trick people use to convince ourselves not to do things.  You can read more about that in the excellent book The Willpower Instinct by Kelly McGonigal.  Well, a few days became a week.  And now it's been a week and a half since I've blogged.  During that time, I told myself that I was too busy, too tired and uninspired.  Let me examine those statements, which are all true but also false: 

1)  I'm too busy.  Yes, I am.  But I was about the same amount of busy - give or take - during the weeks I participated in the blog challenge.  Some of the busy is of my own choosing or because I'm not making conscious decisions about how I use my time.  Maybe I'm spending too much time checking email or news or Facebook.  Or maybe I'm letting my paid work seep into my entire day, rather than putting parameters around it.  Perhaps I'm saying yes to too many volunteer commitments.  Or am I spending too much time worrying about things I cannot control?

2)  I'm too tired.  Yes, I am.  But continuing to tell myself how tired I am, will only make me more tired.  And writing fuels and energizes me.

3)  I'm uninspired.  Sometimes.  But as we all know, inspiration isn't going to come if we don't sit down and do the work.  Every book or blog post or piece of advice about writing comes down to that.  I know there are some great quotes from writers on this topic, but I couldn't think of any off the top of my head.  Here's a good one from artist Chuck Close:

 Inspiration is for amateurs - the rest of us just show up and get to work.

And it's so true.  During the September blog challenge and during a similar challenge last year - when I committed to blogging regularly, inspiration came.  Revisiting old themes, cultivating new ideas, sharing life stories, sketching out humorous pieces, trying new formats, incorporating dreams...when I invested time in writing and made it a priority, the ideas came.  Some posts did flow easily; others were hammered out with difficulty.  The quality of the ideas and the writing varied widely, of course. 

On the other hand...

I can't find a source for this quote, but I love its good & simple wisdom.

So...no, I'm not ready.
I don't even think this post is quite ready to publish. 
But I'm going to do it anyway.

*****

Another good quote about being ready comes from Amy Poehler:

Also, check out this really great Zen Pencils cartoon of Amy Poehler's quote.  And if you haven't yet, be sure to check out the Zen Pencils website for lots of "cartoon quotes from inspirational folks."

Signs & seasons

On this last day of September, my daughter and I took a walk in our favorite neighborhood park.  It was a lovely, party cloudy and very windy fall day.  As we observed some of the first signs of the fall season, I inwardly reflected on how quickly the month of September passed.  And yet at the same time - the end of the month with today's cooler temperatures does indeed seem like an entirely different season than the beginning of the month when we were still using our air-conditioning at times.  So much can happen in thirty short days.

always the first tree to change color in Kern Park

In thirty days, I accomplished my goal of writing fifteen blog posts.  As a subscriber to Lisa Rivero's blog, I receive her posts via e-mail.  Back on the first day of the month, a post came into my e-mail box with the title "Blogging with Authenticity."  It caught my attention.  When I read about her #30PostsHathSept Blog Challenge, I felt it was sign for me to get back to blogging.  I really missed writing.  I also thought I might be a little crazy to attempt writing twenty to thirty blog posts in September.  It's a very busy month for us, with our two teenagers back to school and their busy academic and extracurricular schedules, plus kick-starting the homeschool year for our daughter, and also with lots of new developments going on with my part-time job.  Still, I really felt it was time to focus on writing again.  There never is a good or perfect time anyway.  And I felt energized by the challenge.  As the month progressed - I adjusted my goal to fifteen posts, and I'm still really pleased to have blogged half of all the days in September.  I certainly would not have accomplished that without Lisa's challenge.  Thank you, Lisa, and thanks also to the other bloggers who participated in the challenge!

Tomorrow is a new month, and what will that bring?  More changes.  The trees will continue to pass from green or brown to their various shades of yellow and red and orange.  The days will get cooler and shorter.  And I will continue to write.  Stay tuned.     

Five more "funny" parenting moments

Last week, I blogged "Five 'funny' parenting moments."  In the interest of once again reassuring parents everywhere that their parenting skills are really not so bad AND because I remembered a few more good ones - I'm sharing an additional five "funny" parenting moments. 

What happens in the salt mine, stays in the salt mine - unless your mom writes a blog post about it.

#1 - That moment when I let my children lick the wall of a salt mine, because they really needed to confirm that it's salt.  This happened at the Wieliczka Salt Mine in Krakow, Poland.   #givingamericantouristsabadname

#2 - That moment when the dentist says, "Didn't you notice that he chipped his front tooth?"  No, I didn't notice. 

#3 - That moment (really those few years in a row) when I had to stand between my children at church on Palm Sunday because:  "No, the palms are NOT light sabers."

#4 - That moment when my children were sledding down the stairs in a laundry basket.  This was actually kind of an ongoing thing in our house.

#5 - That moment when all three of my children crammed into or onto the "Cozy Coupe" and propelled themselves down the incline of the parking lot behind our house.  (I actually owe the Cozy Coupe an entire blog post one of these days.)



This vehicle can actually accommodate three school-aged children.

Dreaming that Steven Tyler is my dentist & other sleep problems

This morning I woke up much earlier than needed, used the bathroom and returned to bed.  This never goes well.  I fell back asleep, but it was not quality sleep.  I had two strange dreams, one in which Steven Tyler was my dentist (nightmare) and another in which my mom was on a bike chasing me.  I cannot remember exactly why my mom was chasing me or whether I was also biking or driving a car, but I do remember that I was worried about being late for an appointment.  As it so happens - I had both dermatologist and dentist appointments today, so I guess it's no wonder these showed up in my dreams.  But Steven Tyler?  I have some fear about going to the dentist, it's true.  This dates back to extensive dental work in my childhood plus some less than stellar experiences as an adult, including one really bad dental procedure gone wrong.  My current dentist is the most caring and accommodating dentist in the world.  I adore her.  Finding her is the only reason that I still go to the dentist after that botched-up procedure.  And she bears no resemblance whatsoever to Steven Tyler, by the way.

not my dentist

But bizarre dreams are just a small part of my problem of not getting enough quality sleep.  It's some combination of aging and hormones and having teenage children, I guess.  I got more quality sleep back in the days when I was nursing a baby throughout the night or when we had one or two kids sleeping in the bed with us.  I know about all the sleep hygiene recommendations and have tried at times to implement some of these measures half-heartedly and inconsistently.  I also tried Tylenol PM a few times, but I can be super sensitive to medications.  The few times I tried it, it either didn't help or it did but I felt foggy and hung over the next morning.  Which is why I really want to avoid any sort of prescription sleep aids.  I'm pretty sure they'd mess with me too much.  I have not tried melatonin, so maybe I should.  I'm very intrigued by CBT for Insomnia.  This is available for purchase as a 5-week, 5-session online cognitive-behavioral therapy program for insomnia.  The program seems to be backed by quite a bit of research and has a lot of testimonials that praise its effectiveness.  I'm not sure if I'll try it or not, but I'll write a blog post about it if I do.  In the meantime, I'm hoping that no more crazy rock stars make appearances in my dreams as medical professionals!

*****

Sleep is often on my mind, apparently, as I found two sleep-related "poems" in my writing files.

Just last week, I wrote the following silly limerick about my children's late nights:

There once was a tired family
Who did not sleep enough you see
     Kids wouldn't go to sleep
     Mom did not rest a peep
These people are exhausting me.


About this next one, be warned that I tend to get a bit melancholy in the winter.  I wrote these somber and perhaps over-dramatic words in February:

On writing in the morning while looking out the window

 So I write

Trying to find the words

Not necessarily wisdom

Just words

 

Looking out the window

The sun shines brightly

In a clear blue sky

Fresh & lively looking

Unlike me

 

White snow sparkles bright

Under the sun’s tutelage

paints a new look on

Browned lawns

and bare tree branches

frames warm orange bricks

 

I would wish to

Have more energy

To feel less sleepy

At all times

Could there be a truly

Reviving sort of sleep

That is bestowed upon

Those who know

Its secret

 

I long for real rest

That refreshes

But I resign myself

To that prospect never

Don’t dwell

Overmuch

Plunge into duties

Dry hands

enter steaming dish water

dig refuse out of

overfull litterboxes

keep busy while

deadlines looming

 

coffee does not seem

to proffer its promised jolt

rather sits uneasily on

the not steely stomach

cloudy head still

hopes for clarity

 

middle age proves

some more wisdom

but perhaps

leaves less energy

Parenting books - take 'em or leave 'em

Yesterday in my post "Embracing ordinary experiences," I wrote about some of the pressures of modern day parenthood, including:

the insidious and frequent message that we are obligated to create some kind of magical childhood for our children full of spectacular or extravagant experiences.

I'd say another pressure of modern day parenthood is the over-abundance of information that is related to or weighs in on parenting.  This includes brain studies and other scientific information about child development, opinion pieces about parenting methods and styles, mommy blogs, and the so-called "long-form think piece about parenting."  A humorous piece in The New Yorker "New Parenting Study Released" mocked the long-form think piece brilliantly.  It's pretty hilarious, and you should read it!  It does have some swear words, so be warned if that bothers you.

I am a reader, and when I'm experiencing or trying to understand something new - I'm naturally drawn to reading about it.  But I burned myself out on parenting books when my kids were little.  I learned pretty quickly that much of the advice was either unrealistic or didn't resonate with me.  A perfect example are those books that suggest all sorts of charts and graphs and rewards for managing toddler behavior.  First - that's just a crazy amount of work for which you'd need to hire household help.  Second - I want to enjoy my toddler, not manage him.  Third - the toddler is not buying it! 

no manual included

That being said, there have been some books that have impacted me as a mom, mostly because they have an unusual philosophy or take a different approach to parenting or learning.  I'm highlighting three of them here:

Hold On To Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers
by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate, MD
This book is countercultural in that it advocates for the bonds of family over peer popularity.  I think particularly in an age when parents tend to be a little over-focused on their children's social lives, this book offers a different and compelling perspective.  You can read more about this book on Gordon Neufeld's website.
 
Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn't Work and What Will
by Dr. Shefali Tsabary
I feel that the title of this book is somewhat unfortunate, but I whole-heartedly agree with Dr. Tsabary's idea that focusing on connecting with our children will improve relationships (and behavior) more effectively than focusing on discipline.  You can read more on Dr. Tsabary's website.

Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring Self-Directed Learners
by Lori Pickert
Don't let the word "homeschooling" let you think this one's not for you.  I would recommend this book for all parents.  The concept of project-based learning has been transformational for me in how I approach parenting with all of my children, whether they attend a bricks and mortar school or are homeschooled.  Learn more about this book on the Project-Based Homeschooling website.

Lastly, I want to mention the work of nationally-renowned author Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg.  I had the opportunity to attend one of Dr. Ginsburg's presentations last year.  He is a dynamic speaker whose message about resilience and balance is so important.  Later, I read his book Building Resilience in Children and Teens, which I would recommend as a great resource for parents and teachers.  Dr. Ginsburg's new book, which I haven't read, is Raising Kids to Thrive.  For my local Milwaukee-area readers, there are two upcoming opportunities to hear Dr. Ginsburg.  Both presentations are free and open to the public.  Here are the details:

Monday, October 5 at 7:00pm at Nicolet High School Auditorium
Dr. Ken Ginsburg will speak on how to raise resilient children and prioritizing balance in a "do all" culture.  His message will be directed primarily to parents and educators of primary school students.

Tuesday, October 6 at 7:00pm at Divine Savior Holy Angels High School
Dr. Ken Ginsburg will be addressing parents and educators of secondary school students on building resiliency in teens.   

Embracing ordinary experiences

Scrolling through Facebook recently, I spotted an article "10 Trips to Take Before Your Kid Turns 10."  I usually avoid stuff like this, but I thought it might be good writing material.  The author took her nine year old daughter to a storybook-themed park.  Her daughter wasn't impressed and said it would have been fun when she was younger.  The author lamented that "she missed the boat" and advised: "Don't do the same. Visit as many of these places as you can while they're still captivating for your child."  Seriously?  No pressure.  Also, the daughter sounds a bit jaded.  Nine is a bit young to be cynical about a storybook-themed park.  Of the ten places in the article, my family and I (all above the fateful age of 10!) have been to only one.  And we are okay.  I saw a similar article, but this time there are forty places you must take your kids - "40 Places To See With Your Kids Before They Are All Grown Up."  This list includes such affordable and easily accessible destinations as the Galapagos Island and Buckingham Palace!  Of the forty places on the list, I myself - clearly "all grown up" at forty-six years - have only been to five of them and all of them as a grown-up.

I love traveling, and I have traveled quite extensively and adventurously at times.  I hope my children will live or study abroad and travel to places that interest them, just as I did.  And when circumstances and finances allow, we enjoy taking our children on trips as well.  They have had some very special family trips, like being able to visit their grandparents in Poland and returning to the same lake cottage every summer for several years with their cousins.  I'd love to take my family to the Galapagos Island, if we win the lottery.  But I'm also fine if none of us ever go there. 

I don't know many - if any - families that could afford to travel as extensively as these lists suggest.  I understand that perhaps the articles are meant to serve more as ideas.  But the thing that annoys me more about these types of lists and other such "standards" for modern parenthood is the insidious and frequent message that we are obligated to create some kind of magical childhood for our children full of spectacular or extravagant experiences.  I'm pretty sure articles like this didn't exist when my own parents had a houseful of young children.  And there obviously was no internet, where such articles can be shared a million times. 

Instead of focusing on or longing for a few (or 10 or 40) supposedly extraordinary experiences, how about we take some advice from William Martin?  This quote from The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents has been popping up around the interwebs:

“Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives.  Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness.  Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears.  Show them how to cry when pets and people die.  Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand.  And make the ordinary come alive for them.  The extraordinary will take care of itself.”

*****

Someone recently asked me what was the highlight of my summer.  We didn't go on any family vacations this past summer, so I didn't have that as a "go to" response.  What I thought of immediately were two things:  participating in the Riverwest24 bike ride with neighbors, friends and family and volunteering at the Riverwest Food Pantry with my kids.  Both of these experiences occurred right in my own community.  Both of them were such great experiences because of the people with whom I experienced them - family, friends, neighbors, volunteers and clients at the food pantry - and because of the sense of community and working together for a common goal or a common good.  Yes, experiences are more important than things.  But sometimes the most enjoyable, fulfilling and uplifting experiences can be the most simple and close to home.  

Calming creativity

In my recent post, "My top three accessories for middle age" - I mention that my dentist recommended I try meditation for stress relief.  I've dabbled with some guided meditations and breathing exercises, but I've never seriously pursued a meditation practice.  I'm more inclined toward creative meditative activities that also help with stress relief.

There have been a number of recent articles about coloring as a stress reliever.  Here are two:
Coloring Isn't Just For Kids.  It Can Actually Help Adults Combat Stress (Huffington Post)
Coloring books for grown-ups can ease stress and calm one's inner child (Washington Post)

On a recent visit to Barnes & Noble, I spotted coloring books for adults all over the store.  Some are filled with pages of abstract or repetitive designs; others have a specific theme from art to architecture to animals.  Quite a few of them are specifically described or marketed as tools for stress relief.  Although coloring books like these may be receiving more attention and shelf space now, they've been around for a while.  A favorite of my own childhood are Ruth Heller's Designs for Coloring.  Ruth Heller was a prolific picture book author and illustrator as well as the creator of the coloring books.  I love her bold and colorful style of illustration.  Many teachers and homeschool parents are familiar with her books, especially her World of Language series about the parts of speech.  But I knew Ruth Heller first through her coloring books.

  

Doodling is another potentially meditative and calming activity.  You can find a lot of articles about the benefits of doodling as well.  Here are a couple recent ones:
The Cogitive Benefits of Doodling (The Atlantic)
5 Big Benefits of Being a Doodler (Huffington Post)

A more specific kind of doodling that has become popular in recent years is called Zentangle, and there are all sorts of subcategories and offshoots of that.  My daughter and I have enjoyed using the book Zenspirations: Letters & Patterning by Joanne Fink for our own doodling inspiration.  One of my fellow bloggers in the #30PostsHathSept Blog Challenge - The Frog Lady - has been creating some really amazing doodles of frogs.  Check them out here and here.




Besides coloring and doodling, making collages and working on an art journal are other calming creative outlets that I have enjoyed.  Collage with Color: Create Unique, Expressive Collages in Vibrant Color by Jane Davies and The Art Journal Workshop: Breakthrough, Explore and Make it your Own by Traci Bunkers have inspired me.  The library is, of course, full of books about all kinds of creative pursuits.  There are even websites that offer free coloring pages for adults.

 

I often don't make time for these calming creative pursuits.  But I always feel better when I do!  And just writing about them today has made me think about prioritizing these stress-relieving activities that I enjoy.

*****

You may also enjoy my post "The Case for Creating: make stuff; it feels good."

butterfly collage

a collage-doodle combo from my art journal

pages from my art journal

Five "funny" parenting moments

For your entertainment, I've gathered a small collection of funny parenting moments.  Some might call them parenting fails.  I call them real life.  I consider this sharing to be a kind of a public service that says - fellow parents, don't feel so bad.  After all, my kid ate Miracle-Gro.  True story.

not meant for human consumption

#1 - That moment when I turned my head for two seconds and turned back around to find my toddler's mouth covered with bright blue granules, because he ate the Miracle-Gro.

#2 - That moment (or those several times) I let my small children drink a bunch of the little creamer cups at a restaurant, so the adults could finish our meal.

#3 - That moment when I thought it would be okay for my kid to watch Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, because he had no fear watching all three Jurassic Park movies.  Apparently "claymation" Wallace turning in a were-rabbit can be much scarier than realistic looking dinosaurs that eat humans.  This is what I was told by the child who slept in his parents' bed for several months afterward.

 

#4 - That moment when I let my kids eat all their Halloween candy within the first few days of trick-or-treating.  Actually, I did/do this every year.  Not a fan of rationing - just eat it all and get it over with.  (Don't worry - I do make sure they brush their teeth.)

#5 - That moment I thought it would be a good idea to show my youngish kids the music video for Michael Jackson's Thriller.  Enough said.

*****
This is just a small sampling and does not include:  the interesting (and frequently weather-inappropriate) outfits I let them wear (in public); the questionable substitutions for real meals ("It's breakfast for dinner again!"); the times I swore in front of them (sorry, it's kind of a hopeless cause); a number of (in retrospect) humorous things that happened in church; some exciting events that necessitated emergency room visits; and so much more.

You know that parenting quote that pops up everywhere:  "The days are long, but the years are short."  It's true.  It all goes by so quickly.  Still...you might want to hide the Miracle-Gro and be wary of seemingly innocent "claymation" movies.

Dear neglectful gardener: a photo essay

As a companion piece to last year's post Confessions of  Lazy Gardener, I have allowed my garden to be our guest blogger today.  Bottom line, the garden is not happy with me.  And with that, here's the letter:

*****

Dear neglectful gardener,

You have disappointed us sorely this year.  You always come in all enthusiastic in May and June with your seeds and your plants and your fertilizer.  You visit us every day and give us all the water we need.  Sure, you usually get a bit less enthusiastic and maybe a little lazy in July and August.  But this year, it has gone beyond lazy.  This year, you have downright neglected us!  These past few weeks have been particuarly hard.  Where's the water?  You cannot just stop watering us because school started again and you are busy. We are thirsty.  

We need water.

Please don't leave us lying around like this.  It's undignified

And can we talk about weeding?  You have left us to fend for ourselves among the invasive enemies.

Poor kale is fighting for its life.

The daylilies are completely overcome by enemy forces.

We're not sure what's doing on with the tomatoes.  Some water and pruning could have helped, though.

Poor Roma has been hit by disease and drought.

Cherry seems to be holding on for the most part.

 And then you just let some of us get completely out of control!

Zinnias and cosmos gone wild.

The lettuce has, inevitably, gone to seed.

We know you like to keep things a little wild, but it's really gotten ridiculous this year.  We're fine with the milkweed taking over the strawberry patch every summer.  We know...you want to save the butterflies  But letting the wild morning glory vine completely cover the poor lilac bush...how could you???

lots of milkweed, as usual

Poor dear lilac is under there somewhere.

From a purely cosmetic standpoint, you could stand to do a bit more dead-heading.  We could give you a lot more blooms if you would.

 

We know you had a busy summer, but we really hope you'll step things up next summer.  Despite your neglect, we always give you a lot - flowers, tomatoes, cucumbers, lettuce, herbs, etc.

pretty!

yummy!

Please, dear neglectful gardener, think things over.  Remember all we have given you, and come spend some time with us.

Signed,

Your always loyal garden