Sometimes you need a reset.

The third grade class I work with recently studied ecosystems and interdependence.  We extended the lesson to talk about our interdependence upon each other in the classroom and in the school community.  We humans truly are interdependent on each other in many ways.  I started thinking about how the different aspects of our individual selves are also interdependent.  We may call the different parts of our selves mind, body, and spirit.  Or we may talk about physical and mental well-being.  These are integral parts of our whole person.  If one part is off balance or unhealthy in some way, the other parts will likely be affected. 

In my own life, the past few years have been ones of constant change and transition.  To name a few: two job changes for me (one which was significant), various schooling changes for my children, new drivers in the house, changes in parenthood as my kids move into the teen and young adult years, sending a child off to college a couple of thousand miles away, as well as the typical mental and physical changes of growing further into middle age.

There are many rewards in meeting the challenges that come with transitions.  I love the self-knowledge and comfort-in-my-skin that are part of being 48, and I have no desire at all to return to my twenties or thirties.  It's a joy to see my children grow into their young adult selves.  But change can also be hard, and I worry.  This is my reality.  As a companion to all that, I managed to accumulate thirty extra pounds on my body in the course of about three years.  It's not just about the number of pounds.  I got into the habit of eating to comfort myself in times of stress and anxiety.  My go-to comfort foods involve carb-loading with chips and popcorn or sugar-loading in the form of chocolate and other sweets.  None of this food actually made me feel better.  In fact - my energy levels, general moods and quality of sleep had deteriorated.

Although I knew I needed to change my habits, it took me a while to figure out how to do that.  I thought I could just limit my snacking.  But I'd come home after a stressful day at work and eat half a bag of tortilla chips.  So that didn't work.  I finally decided that I needed a stricter framework to help me get back on track, and I chose to do the Whole30.  On Tuesday of last week, I completed thirty days.  If you haven't heard of the Whole30, it's essentially a 30-day elimination diet.  From the book The Whole30: The 30-day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom:

Think of the Whole30 like pushing the "reset" button with your health, your habits, and your relationship with food.

I love the use of the word "reset" as part of the Whole30 lingo.  I think it's a good term to apply in general to habits, ideas or choices we may need to "reset" in various areas of our lives.  The job change I made in February was a reset of sorts that restructured my time and schedule and caused me to look at other parts of my life, including my physical health.  When I do a blog challenge or take a writing class, that's a reset for my creative life.  Eating healthier on the Whole30 made me want to be more active and exercise more. 

Eating healthy, being physically active, getting outdoors more often, pursuing my creative interests, making time for yoga, meditation and prayer, connecting with family and friends, finding work that is challenging and meaningful and helps support my family better - these are all interconnected and interdependent.  If I'm striving to live and love in good and healthy ways, it starts with an awareness of the interconnectedness. 

***** 

So, was my Whole30 a success?  Indeed it was.  I lost twelve pounds over the course of thirty days.  And I had many non-scale victories (NSVs in Whole30 lingo) as well.  I really needed that reset on my relationship with food, which has helped me develop healthier eating habits.  My energy levels and moods are definitely more even than before.  I no longer feel sluggish most of the day.  I am sleeping better - not perfect, but better than before.  My skin looks healthier.  I don't have as much bloating or various digestive irregularities, which I frequently had before.  My knees still creak, and my lower back still hurts sometimes.  But I'm recommitted to seeking out ways to make myself stronger.   I don't believe in miracle cures, but I do believe the Whole30 can be beneficial for many people.  (P.S. Thanks to my husband and kids for being super supportive of my Whole30 journey.) 

*****

How about you?  Are you looking for a reset in some part of your life?  You can do it!

*****

If you missed my Mother's Day Post, you can read it here:
all you mommas

Or in honor of this day, check out my Memorial Day post about my dad from last year:
Any of you dummies know how to type?

all you mommas

you're doing a good job.
people don't say that
often enough.
you're doing a good job
all you mommas
of babies and toddlers
and school-age kids
and tweens & teens
young adults & grown-ups.
you're doing the best
you can at each and
every moment.
that doesn't mean
you aren't tired
you don't lose it
you don't yell
sometimes
and make mistakes.
because you do,
we all do.
you're doing a good job
even so.

it's hard.
yes, it's hard.
motherhood is often
portrayed as seamless,
so very natural
and idealized.
sometimes however
it's hard.
all you mommas -
how could it not
be sometimes hard
to have part of your
heart living outside
of your body?
that doesn't mean
there aren't many
effortless moments 
and smooth days
and joy, joy, joy
and love, love, love
always and even
among the hard.

it doesn't get easier.
sorry, it's true.
all you mommas -
let go of the idea
that after this stage
or after that milestone
or after such and such
accomplishment
that all worries, concerns
will melt away.
you are a momma
as long as you live.
but here's the good news -
even though
it doesn't get easier,
You. Get. Better.
you figure out
lots of things.
you learn how
to let go more.
you get better at
living the
joys and sorrows
triumphs and challenges
of being a momma.

You're a good momma, all you mommas.

I am so grateful for all of my beautiful momma friends with whom with I share the journey of motherhood.

*****

Bits of this came to me when I woke up way too early this morning.  More of it came to me on a morning run.  (Don't be impressed - the run was very short and very slow.)  It doesn't feel quite finished or polished, but I'm releasing it today to honor all the amazing moms I know.

the birds are shouting at me (i can't sleep)

3:00am and the

urge to pee
i should not drink
water at 9:00pm
shuffle to the bathroom
cold tile floor
return to the cocoon
of soft sheets and
heavy comforter
but no sleep
thoughts about
All The Things
it was a good weekend
still, i worry about
All The Children
mine of course and
also the ones at work
and then, and then
i worry about worrying and
Not Being Able To Sleep
also - health, bills, plans,
logistics related to
appointments, events, duties

i try...
counting backwards from 300
deep breathing
making a mental list of
  - decluttering to do
  - books to read
i look at my phone - just once
i look at my watch - many times
husband snoring on and off
one more trip to the bathroom

then - birds chirping
SO LOUDLY
SO CHEERFULLY
At This Hour
reminds me of
one day long ago
very early in the morning
my toddler son said
"the birds are
shouting at me"

annoyed by the noise
i kick my husband
before remembering
it is the BIRDS who
are making noise,
not him

finally i get up
go to the living room
find my notebook and pen
sit on the couch
cold in the early morning
i write these words
and think to myself...
if this is the muse
visiting me...
i don't want her


*****

I've written about sleep challenges before in the post Dreaming Steven Tyler is my dentist and other sleep problems. 

Blogging as a conversation

This is the last of seven posts in my Spring Break Blog Challenge.  I created the challenge to push myself to write more this week, and I've accomplished that goal.  Since my blog doesn't have a specific theme and since I didn't plan ahead for this challenge, I've written about many different things this week - observations, experiences, reflections, etc.  Some ideas came as inspiration the day the posts were written; others had been percolating in my mind for some time.  A couple of the posts included pieces I wrote in the recent or distant past and decided to share.

When I started this blog in June 2014, I posted Why I Write.  I included a variety of reasons or purposes for writing, including writing as a gift.  That could mean very literally a gift, as in a letter or poem composed for a specific person.  Or it could mean the gift of sharing words with others in the hope that those words might entertain or illuminate or inform.  In as much as I hope people will read and connect with the words I write, blogging is a gift to myself as well.  That's partly because I feel very compelled to write, and I feel better when I do it.  But there's something else...  What's been so satisfying about blogging, not just this week, but since I started almost three years ago is - the conversation.  Whether it's just one response to a post or many, whether it's a comment on the blog or on Facebook or in person - I'm grateful for the dialogue that occurs between me, the words I've written and the people who read them.  Thanks for reading!
 
*****
This week's posts:

1 - the labyrinth
2 - Two sides of the fence
3 - aging at the roller-rink & other observations
4 - Yes, you do like poetry.
5 - Nature therapy revisited
6 - When your dad dies (& some thoughts on grief)
7 - Blogging as a conversation (this post) 

When your dad dies (& some thoughts on grief)

my dad, several months before he died, with my mom and daughter

Good Friday seems as good a day as any to write about death and grieving.   

My dad died on December 23, 2010.  Since my dad's birthday is Christmas Eve, that particular holiday is forever linked with memories of his life and death.  Holidays and other milestone events can be particularly difficult times when grieving the recent or not-so-recent death of a loved one.  And yet every grief is different.  I do know what it's like to lose a father, but I don't know what it would be like to lose a best friend, spouse or child.

After my dad died, my mom and I attended a few presentations in the Common Ground of Grief, which I highly recommend.  The presenter is Patrick V. Dean, MEd., C.T., founder of the Wisconsin Grief Education Center.   There's some useful information on his website, including the Top Ten Touchstones: Grief, Mourning and Healing.  One of those touchstones is that grieving is both universal and unique.  We all grieve in our own way.  In his presentations, he talks about how the secret of life is death.  If we lived our earthly life forever, it wouldn't be so precious to us.  The reality of our eventual death shapes the realities of our lives.  Even for those who believe in a life after death, the fact of our human death compels us to live differently than we otherwise would. 

Writing was a tool in my path of grieving.  I was honored to write and deliver the eulogy at my father's funeral.  It's the hardest thing I ever wrote, and yet it was a profound experience to compose and deliver those words.  Much of what I wrote in the days and months and even years after losing my dad is very rough and not meant to be shared.  But some of it might help illuminate the experience of grief for others.  Below is a sort of poem that I wrote on March 3, 2012, over a year after my dad died.  My feelings are still pretty tender.  It reflects a bit on what to say and not say to people who have lost loved ones.  I wasn't mad about things people said, because I know their intentions were good.  But sometimes the comments felt so disconnected from my feelings.

*****

When your dad dies

When your dad dies
People will ask you how old he was
As if that matters
Was it a long illness or unexpected
That doesn't matter either
They will say he is in a better place
You will find no comfort in that
You don't want him in a better place
You want him HERE.
When your dad dies
And you are talking about it to your friend
She will say something about
People having a hard time with death
And you will think, but not say
Yes, of course, I have a hard time with death
I just lost my dad
And I'm in so much pain.
When your dad dies
And you confide that you are
Going to miss him so much
A relative says
But how often did you really see him?
The answer is: all the time
But really it doesn't matter
If you saw him a lot or hardly ever
You will miss him.
When your dad dies,
People will hug you
And you'll cry together
That will be your siblings
And your favorite cousin
Or maybe even someone from work.
When your dad dies,
People will say they are sorry
And you will know that they are.
They will say that
they don't know what to say
That's okay too.
An acquaintance might say
Death sucks
That person understands.
Someone else will look away
And change the topic
She wasn't ready
For your vulnerability.
When your dad dies
It will hurt, it will ache
Your heart will be broken.
When your dad dies
The intensity of the pain
Will lessen with time
Or you couldn't survive it.
When your dad dies
You will always be
A different person
Afterward.
Because he is gone from
Here and now.
When your dad dies
You will remember
His love, his life, his spirit.
When your dad dies
It will be hard
It will stay hard
In many ways.
You will never stop missing him.
When your dad dies
He will live in your memory
In everything
That he taught you
That he showed you
In the person you have
Become.

Nature therapy revisited

photo credit: Anna Krawczyk

We might not need one more book or article to convince us of the restorative benefits of nature for both our physical and mental health.  We already know that's true.  However, we might need to see the research now and again as a necessary reminder to do what we should be doing: get some nature!  I know I need the reminder.

This recent article posted on Facebook caught my attention:  The Original Natural Remedy for Burnout: Nature.  The article cites a recent study with this interesting but perhaps not surprising statistic:

"People report that they feel significantly happier outdoors than they do indoors, yet we spend less than 5 percent of our waking hours in nature."

The article cites research to back up many of the stress and anxiety-relieving benefits of spending time in nature.  The author also writes about studies done on nature's impact on creativity and the ability to think more clearly.  I definitely have experienced those benefits in my own life.  If you're interested in learning more about the research or you just need a good reminder to spend more time in nature, take a few minutes to read this article.  I like the fact that the author gives some concrete suggestions of how we can make a more intentional effort to spend time in nature.       

If you've read my blog at all, you know that I often write about nature and reflect on its therapeutic effects.  So if you need inspiration or want to immerse yourself in nature on a day when you're stuck inside, I've linked some of my nature-themed posts below.  These posts also show that spending time in nature doesn't have to mean a trip to a State or National Park, as wonderful and beneficial as those trips can be.  Most of us can find beautiful and restorative natural places closer to home. 

I hope you'll spend some time in nature this holiday weekend!

*****

cell phone/nature poem for the first day of spring

in-between

I hug the trees too.

"Prettyish kind of a little wilderness" - in the city

Nature therapy

Yes, you do like poetry.

It's almost mid-April, but it's not too late to celebrate National Poetry Month.  The Academy of American Poets founded National Poetry Month in April 1996.  On the website for National Poetry Month 2017, you can sign up to receive a poem-a-day and find other ways to appreciate poetry this month and beyond. 

And yes, you do like poetry.  I used to be a person who thought I didn't perhaps like poetry.  I didn't not like it, but maybe I thought it wasn't quite for me.  People - myself included - sometimes think poetry isn't for us, because we have stereotypical or limited views of the genre.  Poetry is not just Shakespearean sonnets (which are lovely) or ancient epics or indecipherable abstractions or cutesy-sentimental rhymes.  Poetry encompasses those things and so very much more.  If you appreciate song lyrics or are moved by a particular prayer or have laughed at a limerick, you like poetry.     

Sharing poetry with children, as a classroom teacher and as a homeschool mom, has made me appreciate the genre more.  It helped open my eyes to the diverse forms that a poem can take.  If you have children or work with children, by all means please read poetry to them!  There are so many delightful collections specifically for children and don't underestimate their ability to appreciate more complicated poems as well.  Memorizing a short poem together can be a fun challenge.  

Some of the more formulaic types of poetry are especially appropriate (and lots of fun) when having children try writing their own poetry.  Kids really like writing cinquain poems, acrostic poems, haiku, limericks and list poems.  I've enjoyed trying some of those forms as well.  Early on in writing this blog, I did a thirty day blog challenge.  Many of my posts were short and silly poems that I composed to meet my daily goal.  Recently, many of the stories I want to tell or ideas I want to share have come out in the form of poems. 

I really have come to appreciate poetry, as a reader and as a writer.  And I hope you do too.  Please read and share some poetry before the end of the month.  Feel free to comment and share your favorite poems or poets here.   

I'll close with a side-by-side presentation of two poems that I shared in a poetry unit I taught.  And, for a completely different take on poetry, I highly recommend the documentary Louder Than a Bomb about a high school poetry slam contest in Chicago.  It's a very powerful film.