the birds are shouting at me (i can't sleep)

3:00am and the

urge to pee
i should not drink
water at 9:00pm
shuffle to the bathroom
cold tile floor
return to the cocoon
of soft sheets and
heavy comforter
but no sleep
thoughts about
All The Things
it was a good weekend
still, i worry about
All The Children
mine of course and
also the ones at work
and then, and then
i worry about worrying and
Not Being Able To Sleep
also - health, bills, plans,
logistics related to
appointments, events, duties

i try...
counting backwards from 300
deep breathing
making a mental list of
  - decluttering to do
  - books to read
i look at my phone - just once
i look at my watch - many times
husband snoring on and off
one more trip to the bathroom

then - birds chirping
SO LOUDLY
SO CHEERFULLY
At This Hour
reminds me of
one day long ago
very early in the morning
my toddler son said
"the birds are
shouting at me"

annoyed by the noise
i kick my husband
before remembering
it is the BIRDS who
are making noise,
not him

finally i get up
go to the living room
find my notebook and pen
sit on the couch
cold in the early morning
i write these words
and think to myself...
if this is the muse
visiting me...
i don't want her


*****

I've written about sleep challenges before in the post Dreaming Steven Tyler is my dentist and other sleep problems.