Do mean people suck?

Mean people suck.  We've seen that phrase on t-shirts and bumper stickers.  It's very succinct and can be a comfort when someone's behavior hurts us.  Picture this:  Another driver pulls up super close behind my car, lays on the horn and then gives me the finger as he passes in the other lane, all because he wants to go twenty miles over the speed limit rather than obey the law.  I might think to myself, "Mean people suck."

Mostly we can blow off those situations pretty quickly.  But when we feel someone who is a regular part of our lives - friend, family, acquaintance, co-worker, neighbor - has been mean to us, it's not so easy to deal with.  And we can delude ourselves into believing that the world is against us.  Jane Austen is one of my favorite authors and she captures that sentiment in the following quote from Pride and Prejudice:

There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense.      

It might be temporarily comforting to believe, as the character Elizabeth Bennett does in this passage, that most people will disappoint us.  But in the long term, that belief will probably not serve us very well.  If we're always expecting to be dissatisfied with people, then we might be.  Rather than expect disappointment, we might want to give people the benefit of the doubt.  We probably hope they'd do the same for us.  Consider instead the sentiment expressed in this quote that often appears on Facebook:

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

It's usually attributed to Plato, but a bit of research shows that to be unlikely.  You can check out the information at Quote Investigator, if you're interested.  But the point of the quote is a good one.  Most likely the guy who flipped me off for driving the speed limit is simply late for work or an appointment and is inappropriately taking his frustration out on me.  But maybe something else is going on in his life.  Maybe he's rushing to the hospital to visit a loved one.  The point is not to excuse anyone's behavior.  But we can't know everything that's going on in a person's life that brought them to the point where they interacted with us in a negative way.  So, it might not be worth it to expend a lot of energy in reacting to it.  It might be better to move on and not let these instances erode our faith in humanity.  Or, in the case of someone who is close to us, it might be best to find out what's really going on rather than make assumptions about his or her behavior.

I know that I’m a much happier person when I look beyond the myriad foibles and imperfections of myself and other humans and see our basic goodness.  We are such a varied and interesting kaleidoscope of people and personalities and possibilities.    

I have also found that service work, particularly directly working with people who are marginalized in our society in some way, is true balm to avoiding feelings of disillusionment toward humanity.  It just feels good to help others.  Plus, we are working alongside other volunteers who are trying to make the world a better place.  Serving others can also give us some needed perspective on our own worries and concerns and help us let go of disappointment and resentment.

*****

Caveats
1.  I'm not excusing bad behavior.  There are times we need to address someone's behavior and request an apology.  There are times when we need to own up to our bad behavior and apologize.  There are times when we need to discontinue a relationship because of a person's consistently bad treatment of us.
2.  Some behavior is truly evil and cannot be excused in anyway.