End-of-summer reading notes: from challenging to comforting

School is back in session; the days are getting shorter; and it's starting to feel like fall.  It's a good time to wrap up my reading notes for the summer and get back to blogging, since I haven't posted for several weeks.

In my last reading posts, June reading notes: a lot about Asia & a little about multi-tasking, I wrote about a few books that were more challenging reads.  I enjoy reading a wide variety of genres and authors.  Reading can be a form of relaxation and stress relief as well as education and enlightenment. 

In a post from a few years ago, I wrote about the stress-relieving benefits of reading.  My mix of reading at the end of summer had me thinking that just as we have "comfort foods," we may also have "comfort books."  For me, novels that allow me to delve into fantasy worlds are "comfort books."  I ended the summer by reading a few young adult fantasy novels.  Life got busy and stressful, and I felt the need to switch gears from the mix of realistic fiction and nonfiction that I'd been reading for the past few months.

Contrary to all that, the first book listed here pretty much defies genre and categorization.

Lincoln in the Bardo by George Saunders

This is a very different sort of novel.  I started reading it during our family reunion weekend, which is an environment that doesn't lend itself to deep concentration.  I kept rereading the first several pages and thinking - what is this!?  When I got home and had longer periods of uninterrupted reading, I was able to fully appreciate and embrace this unique novel.   

It's a ghost story of sorts set during the Civil War in the aftermath of Willie Lincoln's death.  The term "bardo" refers to a kind of limbo in the Tibetan tradition.  The novel takes place in one day.  The story of what occurs in the cemetery is interspersed with historical quotes or passages.  Except, as I found out later, some of those passages are real historical accounts while others are made up by the author.  The ghosts living in the cemetery do not understand themselves to be dead and are going about "life" while also observing Abraham Lincoln as he visits his dead son.  Lincoln's grief over the death of Willie is portrayed very movingly.  Even the historical or "faux-historical" quotes about Mary Lincoln's grief brought me to tears.  The book can be confusing, especially in terms of point of view, but I got it after a while and became fond of the two main ghost characters.

I'm not sure if I could universally recommend this book.  Some readers may not appreciate the unusual format and style.  Yet it's well worth reading, in my opinion.  Both the personal and universal aspects of grief are portrayed beautifully.  Consider this passage, which is one of the ghosts describing Lincoln's thoughts toward the end of the book:

 "His mind was freshly inclined toward sorrow; toward the fact that the world was full of sorrow; that everyone labored under some burden of sorrow; that all were suffering; that whatever way one took in this world one must try to remember that all were suffering (none content; all wronged, neglected, overlooked, misunderstood), and therefore one must do what one could to lighten the load of those with whom one came into contact; that his current state of sorrow was not uniquely his, not at all, but, rather, its like had been felt, would yet be felt, by scores of others, in all times, in every time, and must not be prolonged or exaggerated, because, in this state, he could be of no help to anyone and, given his position in the world situated him to be either of great help or great harm, it would not do to stay low, if he could help it." 

*****

Present over Perfect: Leaving behind frantic for a simpler, more soulful way of living
by Shauna Niequist

I read this for a discussion group.  Apparently, the author is a popular blogger/speaker (https://www.shaunaniequist.com/).  The book seems like a collection of blog posts.  I found it to be repetitive, essentially saying the same thing over and over in a slightly different way.  I'm definitely on board with the idea of living more simply, but the author comes from a place of economic privilege that made it hard for me to relate to her.  Most of us moms are not able to go to a lake house for a month every summer, go on yearly retreats, take frequent vacations with friends and go on exotic trips with our families.  That being said, I really enjoyed the discussion this book prompted with a wonderful group of women.  So in the end, it was worth the short and quick read. 

 



Where the Mountain Meets the Moon
Starry River of the Sky
When the Sea Turned to Silver
by Grace Lin

The first of these companion middle-grade novels I read a few years ago with my daughter as part of a mother-daughter book club.  I've been wanting to reread it along with the other two.  All three books benefit from Lin's lyrical writing and beautiful illustrations.  References to characters and stories overlap, but this isn't a series.  Folktales and storytelling are woven into the main story.  The protagonist in each book takes a journey of some sort and ultimately finds courage to help others.  Grace Lin has written and illustrated a number of picture books and early readers as well.  Check out her website http://www.gracelin.com/ for more information.   


The Marsh King's Daughter by Karen Dionne

This is a suspenseful and entertaining psychological thriller.  The premise was clever.  The main character is a woman whose father  - who had kidnapped her mother and kept them both in captivity for many years - escaped from jail.  It was a great summer read!

Today Will Be Different by Maria Semple

I love Semple's writing!  This novel takes place in the course of one day during which the protagonist Eleanor Flood is having a crisis of sorts and coming to terms with part of her life that she'd kept secret.  Like the author's Where'd you go, Bernadette?, it's a comedic reflection on modern motherhood and middle age.  There were parts that had me laughing out loud, and I wish I would have marked passages to reread.  I'm remembering a funny scene at Costco as one.  I find Semple to be hilarious and enjoy her somewhat manic style.  But I know from reading reviews and talking to others that her style doesn't resonate with everyone. 



The Blue Sword
The Hero and the Crown
 by Robin McKinley

I read a couple of McKinley's novels many years ago.  When a friend added these to her to-read list on Goodreads, I was reminded of how much I enjoyed this author.  These two particular books occur in the same fantasy world and a couple of characters overlap.  I appreciate McKinley's strong female characters and their adventures with the addition of some romance too.

Pilgrim at Tinker Creek by Annie Dillard

Although I wasn't able to make the meeting, I started reading this for a book discussion group.  The Pulitzer Prize winner is a nonfiction narrative written from Dillard's journal observations of her natural surroundings at and around Tinker Creek.  As she writes on her website (linked above): "The book attempted to describe the creator, if any, by studying creation.."

It took me a while to get into the book, and I was side-tracked by other things I was reading at the same time.  But as I got further in, I found myself marking several passages with sticky notes.  The writing is lovely and insightful.  Here's one snippet:   

"A great tall cloud moved elegantly across an invisible walkway in the upper air, sliding on its flat foot like an enormous proud snail.  I smelled silt on the wind, turkey, laundry, leaves...my God what a world.  There is no accounting for one second of it."

Dillard seems a kindred spirit in her exultation of the wonders of our natural world and philosophical reflections.  I definitely want to read this again, when I'm not in the middle of sending one child back to college and getting the other two off to their first and last years of high school plus going back to school (work) myself.  It's a book that deserves more savoring and pondering than I was able to give it at the time.     


 
 The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater

Some of my librarian friends are fans of Stiefvater, and I've wanted to read her books for a while.  I decided to start with this stand-alone title rather than one of her series.  It was a great book to escape and relax into during the first week of school.  I enjoyed the characters, especially the main character Puck (Kate), as well as the setting and storyline.    





*****
 What have you been reading lately?
 
What are your "comfort reads"? 
 
What's on your list to read this fall?
 
Happy reading!

Yes, Shakepeare is for everyone.

In three years of blogging, I've often written about the places I enjoy in my city - parks, pools, neighborhoods, etc.  Another gem in Milwaukee, of which I'm a huge fan, is Shakespeare in the Park.  It was a pleasure to attend this year at the new venue, the Peck Pavilion at the Marcus Center for the Performing Arts, with three generations of my family.  All of us  - from fourteen to eighty-two years of age - thoroughly enjoyed Much Ado About Nothing.  We watched, captured by the story and the characters; we laughed; and we were moved and entertained each in our own way.  That's the beauty of Shakespeare's plays.  And it's our great fortune to have Shakespeare in the Park giving us that gift each summer for free, making Shakespeare accessible to families and to others who might not otherwise be exposed to the Bard. 

our group before the performance of Much Ado About Nothing

 

The new location is amazing, and I look forward to future summers of Shakespeare there!  At the same time, I feel lucky to have been in on Shakespeare in the Park from the start and to have enjoyed the various venues through the years.  I remember taking my sons, then ten and twelve years old, to see The Tempest the inaugural year at Alverno College.  We were excited and got dressed up for our theater date.  I recall my sons' excitement at attending a play outdoors and their enthusiasm for the characters and the sets.  The next two years, my husband and I took all three of our kids to Twelfth Night and Macbeth at Alverno.  We appreciated the humor of Twelfth Night and the eeriness of Macbeth, our first tragedy. 

a view of the stage at Kadish Park, summer of 2015

The move to Kadish Park brought new excitement, being right in our own Riverwest neighborhood.  We were there with various groups of family and friends to see As You Like It in 2013 and A Midsummer Night's Dream in 2015.  It's been fun to see some of the same actors, from year to year, in different roles or to recognize actors whom we've seen in plays at First Stage or other places.  Although I didn't make it to Kadish Park last summer, our younger two kids saw Julius Caesar with their aunt and uncle the same weekend my husband and I were moving our oldest child to college.  So, yes, our kids really have "grown up" with Shakespeare, thanks to Shakespeare in the Park! 

a list of supporters' names illustrate William Shakespeare, summer of 2013

If you're in Milwaukee, there are a few more opportunities to see Much Ado About Nothing at the Peck Pavilion this Thursday, Friday and Saturday (July 20-22). 

Click here for details and get thee to the show!  

*****

Why Shakespeare?  (an end-note)

Shakespeare's plays have endured through the ages and hold a place in the canon of literature.  Many of the themes are universal and accessible to people - of various ages and backgrounds - in different ways.  References to Shakespeare's plays, plots and characters abound in literature and art and even in popular culture.  And the language of the plays is wonderful.  I'm not a scholar or expert, but I know for sure that Shakespeare's plays have enriched our lives. 

As a book lover and voracious reader, one of my priorities as a parent has been to expose my kids to good books and literature.  I was inspired by an education blog to introduce my kids to Shakespeare when they were still pretty young.  Experiencing Shakespeare is not just about slogging through the text of Romeo and Juliet or The Merchant of Venice in middle or high school.  In Shakespeare's day, people didn't read Shakespeare.  They attended and enjoyed the plays.  If we read Shakespearse's plays, that shouldn't be completely divorced from experiencing them as performances.  For example, we have:  listened to an audiobook dramatization while following along in a text; read a synopsis or an abridged version and then watched the play or movie; or, attended a play first and then gone back to read parts of the text.  There's an abundance of resources about Shakespeare and his plays, both online and in books - adaptations, teaching guides, graphic novels, cartoon dramatizations, and so on.  A Google search or a chat with your favorite librarian can get you started, or feel free to ask me about some of my favorite resources.



Ron Scot Fry (founding artistic director of SitP) presents To Be: Shakespeare Here and Now
to our homeschool group, February 2013

June reading notes: a lot about Asia & a little about multi-tasking

It seems appropriate to be writing these notes on Independence Day, a federal holiday that commemorates the adoption of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776 and a day to celebrate American patriotism.  Merriam-Webster.com defines patriotism as "love for or devotion to one's country." 

 

What does "love of or devotion to one's country" look like?  What if one is compelled to leave his or her country (willingly or not)?  It is possible to feel "at home" in a new country or back in the old country or anywhere at all? 

 

The books above (one nonfiction and two fiction) offered insight, although no easy answers, to those questions.  I admit to not being very knowledgeable about the many countries of Asia and their diverse cultures and histories.  Nor have I read many books with Asian characters or written by Asian authors.  If you've read my last two book notes (which you can find here and here), you know that I'm trying to be deliberate about reading from diverse perspectives.  These three books expanded my understanding of cultures and experiences different than my own.  Not only that, but the books are amazingly well-written and entertaining as well as illuminating. 

The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down: A Hmong Child, Her American Doctors and the Collision of Two Cultures by Anne Fadiman

Book description from goodreads.com:

The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down explores the clash between a small county hospital in California and a refugee family from Laos over the care of Lia Lee, a Hmong child diagnosed with severe epilepsy. Lia's parents and her doctors both wanted what was best for Lia, but the lack of understanding between them led to tragedy. Winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award for Nonfiction, the Los Angeles Times Book Prize for Current Interest, and the Salon Book Award, Anne Fadiman's compassionate account of this cultural impasse is literary journalism at its finest.

This is a fascinating true story.  The author intersperses chapters about Lia Lee, her family, their life in Laos and the U.S., and details of her medical treatment with chapters about the history and culture of the Hmong people.  The culture clash around Lia's treatment is put into the context of her Hmong culture, customs, and political history.  I knew very little, for example, about how the CIA trained Hmong men to fight against communists in Laos, the subsequent abandonment of those who fought, the story of the Hmong people escaping to Thailand and their eventual resettlement in the United States and other countries.  And while I was aware that Wisconsin has a significant Hmong population, I didn't realize that the three states with the largest Hmong populations are California, Minnesota and Wisconsin.  Through the story of the Lee family and other families chronicled in the book, I learned a lot about the experiences of Hmong refugees in the United States.  The author does a good job of representing the various "sides" of the story - the Lee family, the medical professionals, social workers, etc.  The events took place in the 1980s, and the book was written in the 1990s.  For that reason, I appreciated the afterward and updates included in the fifteenth anniversary edition.      

My curiosity about Southeast Asia piqued, I read the novel The Sympathizer by author Viet Thanh Nguyen.  A friend who recently traveled to Vietnam recommended the book to me.  Nguyen is a brilliant writer.  You can read more about him on his website.  I also recommend listening to this interview with him on NPR's Fresh Air.    

The Sympathizer by Viet Thanh Nguyen

Book description from goodreads.com:

The winner of the 2016 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, as well as five other awards, The Sympathizer is the breakthrough novel of the year. With the pace and suspense of a thriller and prose that has been compared to Graham Greene and Saul Bellow, The Sympathizer is a sweeping epic of love and betrayal. The narrator, a communist double agent, is a “man of two minds,” a half-French, half-Vietnamese army captain who arranges to come to America after the Fall of Saigon, and while building a new life with other Vietnamese refugees in Los Angeles is secretly reporting back to his communist superiors in Vietnam. The Sympathizer is a blistering exploration of identity and America, a gripping espionage novel, and a powerful story of love and friendship.

Wow - what a read!  What struck me most about this book was the genius of the storytelling and the dark comedy.  It's a tragic story in so many ways, and yet I found myself laughing out loud at numerous passages.  This is not an easy read and the last few chapters were a bit frustrating to me (although I can see why necessary).   

The Refugees by Viet Thanh Nguyen

Book description from goodreads.com:

With the coruscating gaze that informed The Sympathizer, in The Refugees Viet Thanh Nguyen gives voice to lives led between two worlds, the adopted homeland and the country of birth. From a young Vietnamese refugee who suffers profound culture shock when he comes to live with two gay men in San Francisco, to a woman whose husband is suffering from dementia and starts to confuse her for a former lover, to a girl living in Ho Chi Minh City whose older half-sister comes back from America having seemingly accomplished everything she never will, the stories are a captivating testament to the dreams and hardships of immigration.

After reading The Sympathizer, I wanted to read Nguyen's collection of short stories.  Again, wonderful writing and clever storytelling.  I was absorbed in this collection and read it in two days.
*****

Other June reading:

double dutch by Sharon M. Draper

A good novel for the tween-to-teen age group by popular and award-winning children's author Sharon M. Draper.  I was drawn into the excitement of the double dutch tournaments through Draper's vivid descriptions.  She nicely weaves together the stories of the different characters and their secrets while showing loving relationships between family members and friends who help each other weather challenges and difficulties. 

Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport

I like this book and am going to reread parts of it because I think author Cal Newport has a lot of great ideas. 

That being said, I had to laugh at myself when I first started reading it because the situation was so antithetical to the spirit of the book.  As I waited for two pots of water to boil, I brought the book into the kitchen with me.  I was cooking the family dinner, making brown rice for a family member with a sick stomach and simultaneously cutting up fresh fruit and veggies and boiling eggs so that everyone would have healthy stuff to pack in their lunches.  The book ended up face down on top of the microwave while I scrambled from stove to sink to refrigerator to cabinet to cutting board and back around.  This was not DEEP work, it was multi-tasking, but - wow! - I was getting a lot of necessary stuff done! 

Of course, the author is referring to "knowledge work" not household management.  But I do wonder how the book might differ if written by a woman and particularly by a mother.  Still, as I mentioned above, there are constructive ideas in the book for anyone who wants to focus more on their "work" (whether paid or creative or otherwise).  Thanks to writer Lisa Rivero from whom I learned about this book on her blog. 

******
That's it for June.  I have a large stack of books waiting to be read in July.  We'll see how far I get.  How about you?  What have you been reading?

found sound: noises natural & not

the wind plays variously - 

creaking dilapidated tree trunks,

rustling tall grasses,

tapping paper-thin leaves

against each other on tall red stalks

in a genteel sort of applause.

a bird chorus sings diversely -

a chaos of sounds, high and low,

staccato and long-drawn notes,

dominated by the distinctive calls

of red-wing black birds.

my feet beat softly on the
boardwalk or pavement
and crunch the small stones

of the gravel path.

two runners approach with
the sound of quicker footfall
and later a biker passes by,
the wheels rhythmically
creating a stone-song underneath.

a bunny hops away

not quite noiselessly;

further down the path

a small boy sits with his grandma

at a bench along the river
and greets me with
an enthusiastic hello.
fishermen on the other side
banter boisterously
about grilling their catch
with lots of butter.

a surprised dragonfly flutters

with noisy abruptness from
the bush where it had rested

and an equally startled sparrow

scoots away with tapping
steps and flapping wings
across and above the path;

my ears occasionally
catch the fleeting buzz
of passing insects.

crows caw in the distance

while close to the path
a small and leafy tree explodes
with the loud chattering of
unseen birds hidden within;
i imagine a sort of

bird family celebration

or perhaps a domestic dispute?

leaving the park, i pass
a group of volunteers
quietly conversing
while weeding out

invasive species
as i return to my car
and the sounds of...
a distant church bell ringing,
children playing,
cars and other machinery,
the sounds of the city
going about its day.

*****
Yesterday afternoon I walked around the Rotary Centennial Arboretum at the Urban Ecology Center in Riverside Park.  I was determined to pay deep attention to the surroundings and particularly the sounds.  Typically I might let my thoughts wander to my "to-do list" or be tempted to take pictures rather than simply appreciate the environment. 

As far as sound, I was inspired by an article I recently read "Soundscape of the city is about more than decibels," including this quote:

"The quality of sound, both good and bad, is among the most significant, yet least-discussed, aspects of the human habitat." 

The article mentions a group called the Midwest Society for Acoustic Ecology whose mission is "exploring the role of sound in natural and cultural environments."  There's even a World Listening Day on July 18th, 2017, which is "an opportunity to consider and engage one another in an ear-minded, soundscape approach to our environment, to understand our shared role in making and listening across cultures, generations, places, disciplines, and communities..."  Makes you want to listen more, doesn't it? 

I've also been reading writer Lisa Rivero's blog series, DIY Summer Writing Retreat, which would be of interest not only to writers but also to anyone trying to find more focus for creative work.  A few of the posts are about the distractions of social or digital media.  While I don't think I'm an excessive user of social or digital media, I do see the way it easily creeps into my life.  A hike, for example, can too easily become an opportunity to take photos rather than a meditative or recreational stroll.  Yesterday I only allowed myself to take one picture at the end of my walk.  Because I didn't have a notebook with me, I quickly jotted down my observations in the notes on my phone when I got back to the car.  Later I looked those over and wrote this poem.   

There's nothing wrong with photographs, of course.  But I wonder if our constant access to picture-taking via our phones compels us to look more for the photo opportunity than to immerse ourselves in the moment.  What do you think?

*****

Two other nature poems you may enjoy:

cell phone/nature poem for the first day of spring

 in-between

February through May reading notes

In my last reading notes (January reading notes - got privilege?), I highlighted a couple of titles that had me thinking about privilege and race.  Over the past four months, I read additional titles related to those themes as well as classic fiction, short stories and a couple of food/diet-related titles.  It was a good mix of genres and themes - just what I like.

For those interested in exploring various perspectives regarding race, I highly recommend the timely young adult novel The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas.  Well-written and compulsively readable, it tells the story of Starr Carter, a teenager who lives in an inner-city neighborhood but attends a suburban school.  Starr witnesses the shooting of her good friend by a police officer, and the novel tells of the aftermath.  Starr's voice and perspective are powerful, and the author handles the subject matter skillfully and insightfully.  Read more about the book on the author's website.  This New York Times bestseller has received a number of awards and accolades.

I read the following titles that also deal with race and identity in a variety of ways:

March Trilogy by John Lewis, Andrew Aydin and Nate Powell
In my January notes, I mentioned this graphic novel series depicting John Lewis' civil rights activism.  It's a well-done and highly-informative trilogy through which I learned a lot about the civil rights movement.  Read more at the publisher's website.

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie
My daughter was reading it for her middle-school literature group, so I finally read Alexie's semi-autobiographical coming-of-age story.  I'm so glad I did.  Junior's experiences he navigates two worlds - life on the reservation and school in town - made me laugh and cry.  A great read.

Bad Feminist: Essays by Roxane Gay
I really enjoyed most of the essays in this book.  I laughed out loud at Gay's experiences participating in high-level Scrabble competitions.  And I agreed wholeheartedly with her affection for The Hunger Games and her problems with The Help.  I look forward to reading more of her work.

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
I decided to read this nonfiction account of Henrietta Lacks and her famous cells since the book was in the media again due to the release of the film version.  It's a compelling read that tells a fascinating and often heart-breaking story. 

I also read the following fiction titles:

A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman
I love this book!  It's been called heart-warming, feel-good and charming.  It's all of those things and just really good story-telling and a great read.   

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
I enjoyed revisiting and discussing this classic with my daughter's middle school literature group.

Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes
I've read this wonderful children's novel about the American Revolution to or with all three of my children.  Great historical fiction for kids!

The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah
This is a decent novel and definitely tugs at the heart strings in terms of the characters and their relationships.  I'm not sure how accurate it is as historical fiction.  A few of the plot developments seemed unrealistic.

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
Given the publicity about the new Hulu series based on this classic dystopian novel, I wanted to reread it.   And I really enjoyed revisiting this story.  I hope to watch the Hulu series eventually.

Fidelity: Five Stories by Wendell Berry
Since I just finished this today, it's technically a June read.  I'm sneaking it in while it's on my mind.  I've read some of Berry's poems and have wanted to read more of his work.  Thanks to my friend Sarah for recommending this collection.  These stories are so beautifully-written and so moving.  In particular, I was in awe of the title piece "Fidelity" and of "Making it Home" about a soldier's return to his family farm after the war.  Oh my.  I'll be reading more of Wendell Berry.

   

If you read my last post (Sometimes you need a reset), you know that I've been on a quest to improve my eating habits and health.  So I read the following two books.  The first was helpful and informative, although much of the information is on the Whole30 website.  The second was a quick read, and I only skimmed parts.  I don't think the subject matter merited an entire book. 

The Whole30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom by Melissa Hartwig and Dallas Hartwig

Food Freedom Forever: Letting Go of Bad Habits, Guilt and Anxiety Around Food by Melissa Hartwig

*****

With only seven days of work remaining before I'm off for the summer, I'm perusing my long list of books to read and looking forward to reading more...

What are your recent favorite reads?  What are you planning to read this summer?

Sometimes you need a reset.

The third grade class I work with recently studied ecosystems and interdependence.  We extended the lesson to talk about our interdependence upon each other in the classroom and in the school community.  We humans truly are interdependent on each other in many ways.  I started thinking about how the different aspects of our individual selves are also interdependent.  We may call the different parts of our selves mind, body, and spirit.  Or we may talk about physical and mental well-being.  These are integral parts of our whole person.  If one part is off balance or unhealthy in some way, the other parts will likely be affected. 

In my own life, the past few years have been ones of constant change and transition.  To name a few: two job changes for me (one which was significant), various schooling changes for my children, new drivers in the house, changes in parenthood as my kids move into the teen and young adult years, sending a child off to college a couple of thousand miles away, as well as the typical mental and physical changes of growing further into middle age.

There are many rewards in meeting the challenges that come with transitions.  I love the self-knowledge and comfort-in-my-skin that are part of being 48, and I have no desire at all to return to my twenties or thirties.  It's a joy to see my children grow into their young adult selves.  But change can also be hard, and I worry.  This is my reality.  As a companion to all that, I managed to accumulate thirty extra pounds on my body in the course of about three years.  It's not just about the number of pounds.  I got into the habit of eating to comfort myself in times of stress and anxiety.  My go-to comfort foods involve carb-loading with chips and popcorn or sugar-loading in the form of chocolate and other sweets.  None of this food actually made me feel better.  In fact - my energy levels, general moods and quality of sleep had deteriorated.

Although I knew I needed to change my habits, it took me a while to figure out how to do that.  I thought I could just limit my snacking.  But I'd come home after a stressful day at work and eat half a bag of tortilla chips.  So that didn't work.  I finally decided that I needed a stricter framework to help me get back on track, and I chose to do the Whole30.  On Tuesday of last week, I completed thirty days.  If you haven't heard of the Whole30, it's essentially a 30-day elimination diet.  From the book The Whole30: The 30-day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom:

Think of the Whole30 like pushing the "reset" button with your health, your habits, and your relationship with food.

I love the use of the word "reset" as part of the Whole30 lingo.  I think it's a good term to apply in general to habits, ideas or choices we may need to "reset" in various areas of our lives.  The job change I made in February was a reset of sorts that restructured my time and schedule and caused me to look at other parts of my life, including my physical health.  When I do a blog challenge or take a writing class, that's a reset for my creative life.  Eating healthier on the Whole30 made me want to be more active and exercise more. 

Eating healthy, being physically active, getting outdoors more often, pursuing my creative interests, making time for yoga, meditation and prayer, connecting with family and friends, finding work that is challenging and meaningful and helps support my family better - these are all interconnected and interdependent.  If I'm striving to live and love in good and healthy ways, it starts with an awareness of the interconnectedness. 

***** 

So, was my Whole30 a success?  Indeed it was.  I lost twelve pounds over the course of thirty days.  And I had many non-scale victories (NSVs in Whole30 lingo) as well.  I really needed that reset on my relationship with food, which has helped me develop healthier eating habits.  My energy levels and moods are definitely more even than before.  I no longer feel sluggish most of the day.  I am sleeping better - not perfect, but better than before.  My skin looks healthier.  I don't have as much bloating or various digestive irregularities, which I frequently had before.  My knees still creak, and my lower back still hurts sometimes.  But I'm recommitted to seeking out ways to make myself stronger.   I don't believe in miracle cures, but I do believe the Whole30 can be beneficial for many people.  (P.S. Thanks to my husband and kids for being super supportive of my Whole30 journey.) 

*****

How about you?  Are you looking for a reset in some part of your life?  You can do it!

*****

If you missed my Mother's Day Post, you can read it here:
all you mommas

Or in honor of this day, check out my Memorial Day post about my dad from last year:
Any of you dummies know how to type?

all you mommas

you're doing a good job.
people don't say that
often enough.
you're doing a good job
all you mommas
of babies and toddlers
and school-age kids
and tweens & teens
young adults & grown-ups.
you're doing the best
you can at each and
every moment.
that doesn't mean
you aren't tired
you don't lose it
you don't yell
sometimes
and make mistakes.
because you do,
we all do.
you're doing a good job
even so.

it's hard.
yes, it's hard.
motherhood is often
portrayed as seamless,
so very natural
and idealized.
sometimes however
it's hard.
all you mommas -
how could it not
be sometimes hard
to have part of your
heart living outside
of your body?
that doesn't mean
there aren't many
effortless moments 
and smooth days
and joy, joy, joy
and love, love, love
always and even
among the hard.

it doesn't get easier.
sorry, it's true.
all you mommas -
let go of the idea
that after this stage
or after that milestone
or after such and such
accomplishment
that all worries, concerns
will melt away.
you are a momma
as long as you live.
but here's the good news -
even though
it doesn't get easier,
You. Get. Better.
you figure out
lots of things.
you learn how
to let go more.
you get better at
living the
joys and sorrows
triumphs and challenges
of being a momma.

You're a good momma, all you mommas.

I am so grateful for all of my beautiful momma friends with whom with I share the journey of motherhood.

*****

Bits of this came to me when I woke up way too early this morning.  More of it came to me on a morning run.  (Don't be impressed - the run was very short and very slow.)  It doesn't feel quite finished or polished, but I'm releasing it today to honor all the amazing moms I know.

the birds are shouting at me (i can't sleep)

3:00am and the

urge to pee
i should not drink
water at 9:00pm
shuffle to the bathroom
cold tile floor
return to the cocoon
of soft sheets and
heavy comforter
but no sleep
thoughts about
All The Things
it was a good weekend
still, i worry about
All The Children
mine of course and
also the ones at work
and then, and then
i worry about worrying and
Not Being Able To Sleep
also - health, bills, plans,
logistics related to
appointments, events, duties

i try...
counting backwards from 300
deep breathing
making a mental list of
  - decluttering to do
  - books to read
i look at my phone - just once
i look at my watch - many times
husband snoring on and off
one more trip to the bathroom

then - birds chirping
SO LOUDLY
SO CHEERFULLY
At This Hour
reminds me of
one day long ago
very early in the morning
my toddler son said
"the birds are
shouting at me"

annoyed by the noise
i kick my husband
before remembering
it is the BIRDS who
are making noise,
not him

finally i get up
go to the living room
find my notebook and pen
sit on the couch
cold in the early morning
i write these words
and think to myself...
if this is the muse
visiting me...
i don't want her


*****

I've written about sleep challenges before in the post Dreaming Steven Tyler is my dentist and other sleep problems. 

Blogging as a conversation

This is the last of seven posts in my Spring Break Blog Challenge.  I created the challenge to push myself to write more this week, and I've accomplished that goal.  Since my blog doesn't have a specific theme and since I didn't plan ahead for this challenge, I've written about many different things this week - observations, experiences, reflections, etc.  Some ideas came as inspiration the day the posts were written; others had been percolating in my mind for some time.  A couple of the posts included pieces I wrote in the recent or distant past and decided to share.

When I started this blog in June 2014, I posted Why I Write.  I included a variety of reasons or purposes for writing, including writing as a gift.  That could mean very literally a gift, as in a letter or poem composed for a specific person.  Or it could mean the gift of sharing words with others in the hope that those words might entertain or illuminate or inform.  In as much as I hope people will read and connect with the words I write, blogging is a gift to myself as well.  That's partly because I feel very compelled to write, and I feel better when I do it.  But there's something else...  What's been so satisfying about blogging, not just this week, but since I started almost three years ago is - the conversation.  Whether it's just one response to a post or many, whether it's a comment on the blog or on Facebook or in person - I'm grateful for the dialogue that occurs between me, the words I've written and the people who read them.  Thanks for reading!
 
*****
This week's posts:

1 - the labyrinth
2 - Two sides of the fence
3 - aging at the roller-rink & other observations
4 - Yes, you do like poetry.
5 - Nature therapy revisited
6 - When your dad dies (& some thoughts on grief)
7 - Blogging as a conversation (this post) 

When your dad dies (& some thoughts on grief)

my dad, several months before he died, with my mom and daughter

Good Friday seems as good a day as any to write about death and grieving.   

My dad died on December 23, 2010.  Since my dad's birthday is Christmas Eve, that particular holiday is forever linked with memories of his life and death.  Holidays and other milestone events can be particularly difficult times when grieving the recent or not-so-recent death of a loved one.  And yet every grief is different.  I do know what it's like to lose a father, but I don't know what it would be like to lose a best friend, spouse or child.

After my dad died, my mom and I attended a few presentations in the Common Ground of Grief, which I highly recommend.  The presenter is Patrick V. Dean, MEd., C.T., founder of the Wisconsin Grief Education Center.   There's some useful information on his website, including the Top Ten Touchstones: Grief, Mourning and Healing.  One of those touchstones is that grieving is both universal and unique.  We all grieve in our own way.  In his presentations, he talks about how the secret of life is death.  If we lived our earthly life forever, it wouldn't be so precious to us.  The reality of our eventual death shapes the realities of our lives.  Even for those who believe in a life after death, the fact of our human death compels us to live differently than we otherwise would. 

Writing was a tool in my path of grieving.  I was honored to write and deliver the eulogy at my father's funeral.  It's the hardest thing I ever wrote, and yet it was a profound experience to compose and deliver those words.  Much of what I wrote in the days and months and even years after losing my dad is very rough and not meant to be shared.  But some of it might help illuminate the experience of grief for others.  Below is a sort of poem that I wrote on March 3, 2012, over a year after my dad died.  My feelings are still pretty tender.  It reflects a bit on what to say and not say to people who have lost loved ones.  I wasn't mad about things people said, because I know their intentions were good.  But sometimes the comments felt so disconnected from my feelings.

*****

When your dad dies

When your dad dies
People will ask you how old he was
As if that matters
Was it a long illness or unexpected
That doesn't matter either
They will say he is in a better place
You will find no comfort in that
You don't want him in a better place
You want him HERE.
When your dad dies
And you are talking about it to your friend
She will say something about
People having a hard time with death
And you will think, but not say
Yes, of course, I have a hard time with death
I just lost my dad
And I'm in so much pain.
When your dad dies
And you confide that you are
Going to miss him so much
A relative says
But how often did you really see him?
The answer is: all the time
But really it doesn't matter
If you saw him a lot or hardly ever
You will miss him.
When your dad dies,
People will hug you
And you'll cry together
That will be your siblings
And your favorite cousin
Or maybe even someone from work.
When your dad dies,
People will say they are sorry
And you will know that they are.
They will say that
they don't know what to say
That's okay too.
An acquaintance might say
Death sucks
That person understands.
Someone else will look away
And change the topic
She wasn't ready
For your vulnerability.
When your dad dies
It will hurt, it will ache
Your heart will be broken.
When your dad dies
The intensity of the pain
Will lessen with time
Or you couldn't survive it.
When your dad dies
You will always be
A different person
Afterward.
Because he is gone from
Here and now.
When your dad dies
You will remember
His love, his life, his spirit.
When your dad dies
It will be hard
It will stay hard
In many ways.
You will never stop missing him.
When your dad dies
He will live in your memory
In everything
That he taught you
That he showed you
In the person you have
Become.

Nature therapy revisited

photo credit: Anna Krawczyk

We might not need one more book or article to convince us of the restorative benefits of nature for both our physical and mental health.  We already know that's true.  However, we might need to see the research now and again as a necessary reminder to do what we should be doing: get some nature!  I know I need the reminder.

This recent article posted on Facebook caught my attention:  The Original Natural Remedy for Burnout: Nature.  The article cites a recent study with this interesting but perhaps not surprising statistic:

"People report that they feel significantly happier outdoors than they do indoors, yet we spend less than 5 percent of our waking hours in nature."

The article cites research to back up many of the stress and anxiety-relieving benefits of spending time in nature.  The author also writes about studies done on nature's impact on creativity and the ability to think more clearly.  I definitely have experienced those benefits in my own life.  If you're interested in learning more about the research or you just need a good reminder to spend more time in nature, take a few minutes to read this article.  I like the fact that the author gives some concrete suggestions of how we can make a more intentional effort to spend time in nature.       

If you've read my blog at all, you know that I often write about nature and reflect on its therapeutic effects.  So if you need inspiration or want to immerse yourself in nature on a day when you're stuck inside, I've linked some of my nature-themed posts below.  These posts also show that spending time in nature doesn't have to mean a trip to a State or National Park, as wonderful and beneficial as those trips can be.  Most of us can find beautiful and restorative natural places closer to home. 

I hope you'll spend some time in nature this holiday weekend!

*****

cell phone/nature poem for the first day of spring

in-between

I hug the trees too.

"Prettyish kind of a little wilderness" - in the city

Nature therapy

Yes, you do like poetry.

It's almost mid-April, but it's not too late to celebrate National Poetry Month.  The Academy of American Poets founded National Poetry Month in April 1996.  On the website for National Poetry Month 2017, you can sign up to receive a poem-a-day and find other ways to appreciate poetry this month and beyond. 

And yes, you do like poetry.  I used to be a person who thought I didn't perhaps like poetry.  I didn't not like it, but maybe I thought it wasn't quite for me.  People - myself included - sometimes think poetry isn't for us, because we have stereotypical or limited views of the genre.  Poetry is not just Shakespearean sonnets (which are lovely) or ancient epics or indecipherable abstractions or cutesy-sentimental rhymes.  Poetry encompasses those things and so very much more.  If you appreciate song lyrics or are moved by a particular prayer or have laughed at a limerick, you like poetry.     

Sharing poetry with children, as a classroom teacher and as a homeschool mom, has made me appreciate the genre more.  It helped open my eyes to the diverse forms that a poem can take.  If you have children or work with children, by all means please read poetry to them!  There are so many delightful collections specifically for children and don't underestimate their ability to appreciate more complicated poems as well.  Memorizing a short poem together can be a fun challenge.  

Some of the more formulaic types of poetry are especially appropriate (and lots of fun) when having children try writing their own poetry.  Kids really like writing cinquain poems, acrostic poems, haiku, limericks and list poems.  I've enjoyed trying some of those forms as well.  Early on in writing this blog, I did a thirty day blog challenge.  Many of my posts were short and silly poems that I composed to meet my daily goal.  Recently, many of the stories I want to tell or ideas I want to share have come out in the form of poems. 

I really have come to appreciate poetry, as a reader and as a writer.  And I hope you do too.  Please read and share some poetry before the end of the month.  Feel free to comment and share your favorite poems or poets here.   

I'll close with a side-by-side presentation of two poems that I shared in a poetry unit I taught.  And, for a completely different take on poetry, I highly recommend the documentary Louder Than a Bomb about a high school poetry slam contest in Chicago.  It's a very powerful film. 

aging at the roller-rink & other observations

1.  At the roller-skating rink far in the suburbs, a middle-aged man is skating alone among the families, tweens and teens.  He's balding with a long, thin ponytail and a t-shirt tucked into purple-washed Guess jeans.  (They still make those?)  He skates fancy moves around the rink - spinning and turning and gliding backwards. 

2.  At the art museum downtown, an elderly women has a friend take a photo of her in front of a painting.  A security guard rushes over and tells them to turn off the flash.  The elderly woman's face is caked heavily with make-up.  She's dressed in a fancy hat, skirt and blouse.  She struggles to walk, shuffling herself along behind a wheelchair wearing very high-heeled pumps.

3.  At school, a little boy called me "old lady," and a middle-schooler called me "granny."

4.  I don't think I look like a granny.  But what does a granny look like anyway?

5.  I'll gladly slip on a pair of roller-skates and glide around the rink.  But I won't be returning to the
fashions of the 1980s or to the awkwardness of my adolescence.  I already suffered through those fashions and that age.  Once was enough.

6.  I hope I'll be appreciating art at the museum thirty or more years from now, maybe shuffling along with a walker or wheelchair.  I definitely won't be wearing make-up or high heels, because I don't even wear them now.  I'm far too lazy and fond of comfort for all of that.

7.  I am glad to be forty-eight years old and alive in this very interesting world full of very interesting people.

Two sides of the fence

on one side of the fence
there is a stone bench
and community gardens
a pile of mulch
being surmounted
by small children
who are white.
they wear colorful rain boots
and lands end jackets.
they take nature walks
with their caregivers
and sing songs
about the seasons.
(or so i imagine)

on the other side
is a basketball court
the wind has blown
dead leaves & wrappers
along the edges.
there is a playground
and a tot lot too.
the kids who play here
are mostly brown and black
and not much older.
they shoot hoops,
chase each other,
race and skip rope,
sometimes fight a lot
using words incompatible
with their young selves.

a small girl follows me
around, huddles up
and takes my hand in hers.
or a small boy asks me
to tie his shoes and
zip his jacket.

sometimes children
from both sides
talk to each other
across the fence.
i like that.
they seem
not so separate
then.

*****

I wrote a version of this over a month ago and have tinkered with it a few times since.  I'm not quite satisfied with the piece yet.  It's an observation of a real place.  Perhaps this small scene is a sort of microcosm of the larger problem of segregation in Milwaukee.   

the labyrinth

 

sunlight streams
in on polished
warm wooden floors
and through the
intricate, jewel-toned
stained glass windows
geometric and
floral in pattern

i walk slowly
through the
labyrinth
speaking in
my mind of
questions, prayers
whether they are
memorized, read
or spontaneous
i remind myself
to breathe deeply

i notice patterns
and scratches
in the floor
a wooden cross
with a beautifully
painted image
candles lit
throughout the sanctuary
billowy white banners
hang from the
ceiling and form
a canopy of sorts
sacred chanting
is played from
somewhere

my mind wanders
nevertheless
so very many
things to do
or worry about
but I continue
to walk slowly
to notice
my footsteps
the path and patterns
the peace and beauty
return me to
contemplating
listening
and listening
for the quiet
voice

at the center
i kneel and pause
breathe deeply
say my own
kind of prayer
i rise and leave
more peaceful
more rested
maybe a bit wiser
just for now
than when
i entered

*****

Have you ever walked a labyrinth?

"Labyrinths are used worldwide to quiet the mind and to seek balance, peace, and discernment.  Offering a tranquil refuge from a fast-paced world, they provide the space to pursue a cross-cultural practice of centering and contemplation, which has long been embraced by Christians and non-Christians alike."  (quoted on handout from Calvary Presbyterian Church)

I've walked a few different labyrinths, both indoor and outdoor.  Today my son and I visited an indoor labyrinth at The Big Red Church.  For Milwaukee people, this is the red church on Wisconsin Avenue near Marquette University.  It's home to Calvary Presbyterian Church and is used by other organizations as well.  Labyrinths can be a wonderful method of contemplation, meditation or prayer for all people, regardless of spiritual or religious beliefs.

This labyrinth at The Big Red Church is open to the public on the 2nd and 4th Sundays of each month from 4:30-6:00pm.  Check out http://www.thebigredchurch.com/labyrinth for more information.  The church offered a variety of poems, prayers and reflections to accompany the labyrinth.  I particularly enjoyed this poem by Wendell Berry.

 

The Real Work

by Wendell Berry

 

It may be that when we no longer know what to do

we have come to our real work,

 

and that when we no longer know which way to go

we have come to our real journey.

 

The mind that is not baffled is not employed.

 

The impeded stream is the one that sings. 

cell phone/nature poem for the first day of spring

prologue

 

after work

i'm inclined to sit

or even nap

but i cannot resist

this beautiful afternoon

the first day of spring

 

*****

 

cell phone/nature poem for the first day of spring

 

walking down the hill

through the forest

toward the river

mid-march and

i'm mesmerized by

everything-is-brown

mud beneath my feet

decaying oak leaves

intertwining branches

of standing and fallen

trees and shrubs

the greenish-brown

flow of the river

all browns against the

bright blue sky

 

 

 

i default to

the-modern-trap

taking photographs

i stop and consider

my willingness

to let technology

intrude on my walk

to look at things

through a phone/camera

 

but I want to

remember the

seemingly stoic seagull

being pulled nonchalantly

by the swift river current

she does not seem to mind

 

so i start

tapping out

notes & phrases

on my phone

it is a contradiction

i am aware

of contradictions

i am full of them

 

but still

 

what i hear is…

crows caw-caw-cawing

trees creaking as

they bend with the wind

the unmistakable sound

of a woodpecker

the bark of a dog

from somewhere above

i leave the main path

drawing closer to

the soothing sound

of the river flowing and

bubbling briskly

over large stones

 

 

 

i stand among

dried out grasses

cool hands

breeze on my cheeks

hair blowing

i look around me

and across the river

i am alone

i sit down and just

listen to the water

close my eyes

in the wild beauty

of this wonderful

and ordinary place

when i stand up

and turn to walk

back to the main path

i am surprised to see a

young man fishing

on the same side

of the river

and not too far away

 

returning to the path

there is a makeshift

walkway boardwalk

covering muddy areas

my fluorescent-hued

running shoes

discordant on the planks

another contradiction

my colorful feet

squishing in the muddy path

crunching on dead leaves or

wood chips or gravel paths

 

as i finish my walk

i spot across the river

a possible kindred spirit

she stands still

watching the river

 

i walk up to

the park above where

people walk dogs

young men occupy

the basketball courts

a couple of families

enjoy the playground

 

i am grateful

for the gifts of

the sunshine and the warmth

the beauty and the life

of this afternoon

the first day of spring

 

*****

 

epilogue

 

I’ve been feeling a bit sorry for myself lately (and envious) as I hear about people’s warm weather or exotic or exciting vacations.  When I start feeling sorry for myself, it's always a sign that I’ve not been appreciating enough the ordinary gifts of life and, in fact, the gift of life itself. 

 

An article my cousin sent me yesterday (thanks, Lori) was a good reminder and inspired this post as well.  See that article here: How to Live life with Fantastic Aliveness:Remembering Amy Krouse Rosenthal.