In my very first post on this blog, I mentioned some of the reasons I procrastinated for so long on getting my blog started. There was a good deal of perfectionism involved. Directly linked to perfectionism is fear. Recently, I've been talking, reading and thinking quite a bit about the fear of "putting yourself out there." When I wrote my post about parenting as an introvert, I visited Susan Cain's website to get appropriate links for attribution in my post. The first thing that popped up was a blog post entitled "How to Overcome the Fear of 'Putting Yourself Out There.'" A bit of synchronicity there.
The "Creative Process" list and graphic pictured above can describe both how the creator feels during the process of creating and also how she feels during the process of sharing what she has created. Sometimes I go through those feelings as I'm writing a post. And I also may revisit those feelings when I share what I have written - through Facebook or an e-mail message - and hope for some feedback. Or at least some indication that a few people are reading what I write. I have put myself out there, and - yes - I still feel vulnerable while I try to be brave about sharing my written words. Maybe they think what I write is crap. Maybe what I write *is* crap. Although I know it's never a good idea to assume what is going on in another person's mind. And then...some people "like" a post or comment or send an e-mail or mention in a conversation that they've read a certain post. Others remain silent. Sometimes the people who are silent are people who I thought would be interested or supportive. And I can't assume they're not, but I wonder.
As a result - putting myself out there has helped me develop more empathy, both for those who put themselves out there and for those who hold back. People put themselves out there in so many different sorts of ways - initiating a group or activity, teaching or sharing skills, changing the dynamics in an organization, standing up for what they believe in, showing artwork, sharing feelings, etc. I've been delighted by the connection I've felt to other people who have commented on or talked to me about what I've written. Writing my blog has connected me with friends (old and new), relatives, neighbors and acquaintances. Writing my blog has helped me be more empathetic and responsive to those who put themselves out there in their own way. And there's empathy for people who are silent, too. I don't know the reason for their silence. And I try to put into practice something I've recently learned from my lovely cousin-friend Lori. It's a practice called "just like me." In her example - if a speeding driver irritates her, she thinks, "That person is driving too fast. Just like me. Sometimes I drive too fast." In my case, since I've been thinking why certain people don't respond to my writing. They're just like me. Sometimes I don't respond or hold back. Or they might be just like me in other ways. They might just be really, really busy or sick or tired or sad or struggling with any number of issues. If I think of them being "just like me," then I can be more empathetic. Whether that means making more of an effort to respond to and acknowledge someone's hard work or passion or purpose or interest or initiative or joy. Or whether that means acknowledging someone's sadness or grief or difficulty or anxiety or struggle. Either way, it's about seeing other people. And not holding back in seeing them where they are. This has all been said much better by others. I highly recommend Brene Brown's books and TED talks; you can find out more about them on her website. I just re-watched both of her TED talks, The Power of Vulnerability and Listening to Shame, and was so inspired.
I have felt vulnerable in the process of sharing my writing. And I have also felt a great deal of connection and purpose and joy. It has been an amazing experience. Thanks to all who have read any of my posts and therefore supported me through my thirty day blog challenge!
I shared Brene Brown's TED talk on Vulnerability with several people. I found it very enlightening and inspirational.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have been exploring a few other blogs (before your blog I never really read and blogs unless they came up when I did a search or someone sent it to me.) Recently I read this one : http://nyoho.com/2013/09/18/what-are-the-depths-to-which-youll-go/#comments. It beautifully elaborates, or maybe better explains, my attempt at the "just like me" mediation. To fully benefit from the practice I think, in the example I gave, instead of just saying to myself "sometimes I speed." It would be more like, "sometimes I am in a hurry" "sometimes I don't think about the effect my behavior is having on other people" "sometimes I don't pay attention to how fast or slow I am going" "sometimes I am on autopilot when I drive" " sometimes I am distracted by a trauma or other situation" "sometimes I feel what I am doing is more important than anything else" etc etc. It is that I am capable of feeling the feelings and thinking the thoughts that all humans do. And these thoughts and feelings lead to actions. I like the way the author turns this idea on its head and points out that we are also, therefore, capable of the opposite - - the greatness. I have another quote about that. I'll have to look it up and send it along.