The blog-writing process: a theater piece featuring the author and her family

SETTING:  Riverwest brick duplex, sometime after 7:30pm on a weeknight in the summer

Author is sitting at her desk in the family room.  She opens Blogger, clicks “new post,” types in a working title, and begins writing a draft that she has been formulating in her head all day. 

OLDEST:  (enters room) Can I have the car?

Author pretends not to hear and continues to type.

OLDEST:  Can I have the car?

Author sighs.

MIDDLE:  (enters room) Mom, can I go to Sunrise with my friends?

AUTHOR:  You have to be home before it gets dark.  (Middle grunts assent and exits scene.)

OLDEST:  Mom, mom, mom.  Can I have the car?

AUTHOR:  Where are you going?  Where’s Dad?

(Note:  Dad mysteriously remains offstage for the majority of this scene.  Author wonders if he is watching soccer.  Is the World Cup is still going on?  Author has lost interest since the U.S. and Costa Rican teams were eliminated.)

OLDEST:  Dad said to ask you.  I’m going to hang out with [insert name of friend who lives really far away].

AUTHOR:  Where’s Dad?  That’s too far for tonight, maybe you could go to [insert name of friend who lives closer]’s house instead.    

OLDEST:  Let me text my friends and see.  I don't know where dad is.

Author wonders how Oldest knows that Dad said to ask her, if he doesn’t know where Dad is.  She also wonders how many times Oldest will change his plans before he actually leaves the house. 

YOUNGEST:  Mom, you have to come see what the foster kitties are doing!!!  You have to!!!

AUTHOR:  Just a minute.

OLDEST:  Can I, Mom?  Can I have the car?

AUTHOR:  I guess you can take the van.  But you have to be home by 10:00 because you work early tomorrow morning.  Tell me when you leave.

OLDEST:  10:30?  All my friends get to stay out later.

AUTHOR:  (Thinks to self, have we not had this conversation before?)  Nope - 10:15, that’s final.  No negotiating.

OLDEST:  Fine.

YOUNGEST:  Mom, are you coming to see the kitties NOW!!??

Author goes to spend time with kitties.  Thirty minutes later, she returns to her computer.

MIDDLE:  (enters from outside) Can my friends and I play Xbox, Mom?

AUTHOR:  Not tonight.  It’s too late, and I don't want all the kids in the house right now.  Anyway, I think Dad’s watching something down there.

MIDDLE:  Fine, we’re going to play basketball then.

AUTHOR:  It’s getting dark, just a little while longer.

Author has completely lost track of what she was writing about.  She decides that she must check e-mail and Facebook; she could be missing some life-altering communication.  Inbox contains junk mail.  Facebook contains photos of people at festivals and inspirational quotes.  Inspirational quote about "seizing the moment" compels author to return to Blogger.

Oldest has gone to friend’s house, Middle has gone to basketball court, Youngest is in her room texting photos of kitties to her cousins and friends.  Dad, miraculously, enters the scene.

DAD:  Umm…[insert author’s nickname], I don’t want to bother you, but do you have that bill from the dermatologist’s office.  I need to call the insurance tomorrow. 

AUTHOR:  (Slightly annoyed that Dad has made his appearance now that all three offspring are otherwise occupied.)  Sure, here.  (Author hands Dad the offending bill.)  Can I just finish my blog?  I need like half an hour to get this done.

DAD:  Sure, sure. 

Dad goes down to basement office/man cave.  Author takes a deep breath and writes.