Searching for a story

 

Recently, I was looking for an essay I wrote several years ago. I wanted to revise it for my writing group. I didn't find the essay, but - oh - I found so much more. So instead, I wrote about that for my writing group. This is a revised version of that piece. 

*****

There are countless documents in a folder titled "writing projects" on my PC desktop. A search for keywords in that folder doesn't yield the hoped-for result. There's another folder titled "OLD PC documents." A quick scan of that folder reveals a hodgepodge of documents, including a variety of resumes and cover letters and a range of my children's files from "Anna's fall party invites" to "Max's rap" to "zine template - about me." Those documents predate the essay I'm searching for, so I move on to paper files.

Several overstuffed manila file folders crowd the bookshelf near my desk. One holds multiple copies of an essay I wrote over 25 years ago for an in-person writer's roundtable at Red Bird Writing Studio in Milwaukee. We printed out copies for each person in the group, and they wrote comments by hand. Behind those is my senior honors thesis written sometime in the spring of 1991 before I graduated from the University of Minnesota. It's about telenovelas. It seems to analyze the economics of Latin American countries developing their own programs versus importing shows from the U.S. I'm not sure as I lost interest after reading the first few pages. Next are various other college papers and essays, including one on the "new technology" (written in 1986!) and another entitled "The Existence of God." I'm intrigued by that one but decide I'll read it later and keep searching instead.

Another couple of folders hold completely random pieces of writing with no particular order or organization. There's a Black History month skit I wrote with my fifth-grade students in 1999 filed with an essay about my kids' obsession with "arm farts" that was published in 2008. There's very personal writing, like the speech I delivered at my parents' 50th wedding anniversary in 2008 and the obituary I wrote for my dad's funeral in 2010. Drafts of blog posts are also in the mix; I published 130 posts from 2014-2020. Then there are printouts of pieces I wrote for various classes or groups along with the feedback from facilitators and cowriters. 

Besides my own writing, the folders also contain printouts of articles about the craft of writing, submissions guidelines for publications that no longer exist, and rules for outdated writing contests. I also found a printout of "The Seven Continents," a short rhyming poem to aid in memorizing the continents. That, along with a fraction problem on the back of an essay draft, are evidence of our homeschooling years woven in with my writing. 

I may not have found the story I was searching for, but I found so many others. And I'm not even talking about the writing. Whether for an audience of one or one hundred, my writings are artifacts filled with ideas and memories and love. I was so moved while rifling through those papers that I almost came to tears. And then, there's another story too. One that says I always come back to my writing, all through the years, no matter what. And I always will. 

dear white people

Dear white people:

Listen to Black people. We need to educate ourselves. We need to do the work. All of us. Even if we think we are "progressive" or "liberal" or whatever term we use, we have work to do. There's an abundance of resources. Here are some that I use. 

Image Source: Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence (2005). Adapted: Ellen Tuzzolo (2016); Mary Julia Cooksey Cordero (@jewelspewels) (2019); The Conscious Kid (2020)

*****

White supremacy is not primarily about the things we associate with extremists. The current moment is not about "bad people" versus "good people." It's about racism versus antiracism. Framing the problem (white supremacy, systemic racism, racist policies) as bad people versus good people prevents us from doing the hard work to identify our own complicity and to change the system. Read some of the books listed below to understand this better. 

It's not about us and whether or not we're "good people."

Cartoon by Victor Varnado

Before you even crack open a book, follow these Black women on Facebook, Instagram, and/or other social media platforms:

Austen Channing Brown

Rachel Cargyle 

Gloria Atanmo

Ally Henny 

Ijeoma Oluo

Layla Saad

Next, read or listen to a book about race by a Black author. Here are some that I have read. There are many others on my to-read list. 

Starting points:

So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo

How to Be an Antiracist By Ibram X. Kendi

Digging deeper:

Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla Saad

Stamped from the Beginning: the Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America by Ibram X. Kendi

The Warmth of Other Suns: the Epic Story of America's Great Migration Isabel Wilkerson

Note 1:
Read all kinds of books by Black authors - novels, poetry, memoirs, young adult and children's books, etc. One of the best and most compulsively readable novels I've read this year is Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid. Check it out!

Note 2: 
In addition to the books by Black authors listed above, I recommend White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo. 

Note 3: 
I know many people learn a lot from podcasts. I'm not a podcast person, but I'm sure there are good podcasts that center and elevate Black voices.

Milwaukee area people, follow & support these local organizations:

Alice's Garden Urban Farm
Black Leaders Organizing for Communities
Leader Igniting Transformation
Love on Black Women
MKE Black
Sherman Phoenix

If you haven't already, please read Letter from a Birmingham Jail.

The world is not ours

The world is not ours - April 6, 2020

On my first morning run,
thoughts crowd my mind
and I do not remember
that I was sure I would die.
that I was sure I could not
make it to the end of the block,
when I started this run.
It's been several months,
since I last ran,
since the summer,
since school started.

I keep running and
keep thinking about
groceries and gloves,
masks and mail,
Clorox and cancellations
toilet paper and testing,
antibodies and absentee ballots,
online school and
the latest news on CNN.
I make it two miles.
I'm done running.

I walk to the forest,
by the river, where
gray squirrels scatter,
unseen birds call,
ducks float downstream
on gentle currents.
Four deer stroll nearby,
hidden in early spring's
brown template.
They regard me briefly
and continue on.
These fellow travelers
are unaware of
quarantines and respirators,
of the tragedy of
mounting human deaths
on planet earth.

I stand and breathe in,
I breathe in the river,
and the trees, and the
blue scilla carpeting
on the forest floor.
I breathe in a world
that is bigger than
the thoughts
crowding my mind.
I breathe in...
hope.

how does your garden grow?

Mary, Mary, quite contrary
how does your garden grow?

this summer...

my garden is full
of pauses and silences,
breathing deep,
absorbing sunshine and warmth,
renewing.

my garden is full
of so many words,
read,
pondered,
savored.

my garden is full
of tired muscles
happily exerted in
walking,
biking,
running.

my garden is full
of cherished friends.
talking,
sharing,
laughing.

my interior garden
is beautiful,
renewed.

outside...

the garden was
left to fend
for itself;
completely untended
by human hands.

two tomato plants
thrive, sprouted
from the remains
of last year's tomatoes,
that sank into the ground,
wintered there,
and rose again.

morning glory
spreads its showy
pink and purple
flowers everywhere
intertwined with
overgrown oregano,
multitudes of milkweed,
clusters of clover.

my outside garden
was let go, and it too
is beautiful.

*****

I enjoy gardening and usually plant a vegetable garden in the area pictured below. After a stressful school year, I wanted to focus my energy elsewhere this summer.  I decided to let the garden go.  Left completely to itself, the garden produced two tomato plants and a sunflower, in addition to its usual summer residents - morning glory, milkweed, oregano, dill.  It's not only beautiful in its untended wildness, but also a haven for bees, butterflies, and other creatures too.

Sometimes we have to give ourselves permission to let things go.  When we let go, beautiful things can happen, in more ways than one.

Read diverse books.

i love this book, and isn't the cover beautiful?

I recently read the novel Ayesha at Last by Uzma Jalaluddin, which is described on the book jacket as "a modern-day Muslim Pride and Prejudice for a new generation of love."  As mentioned in my latest reading notes post, I've read a few Pride and Prejudice "retellings" lately.  Ayesha at Last is my favorite of these by far.  The book has received a number of starred reviews (Publishers Weekly, Booklist, Library Journal and Kirkus) and has landed on many summer reading lists.  It's a well-written and engaging story with a fascinating cast of characters.  I couldn't put it down!  The book is set in a "close-knit Toronto Muslim community" and gives us insight into that community and its culture, customs and traditions while also exploring universal themes about family and love.  I highly recommend this novel to anyone interested in a fun "dramedy."   You don't have to be familiar with Jane Austen or P & P to enjoy Ayesha at Last.  Check it out!

*****

I've written previously about my commitment to read books by diverse authors.  When I talk about reading diverse books, I specifically mean books not only about but also written by people with different racial, ethnic and/or cultural backgrounds and perspectives than my own.  (Therefore a book like The Help by Kathryn Stockett, which I found on a diverse reading list on Goodreads, is NOT a diverse book.  That book makes me cringe, by the way.)  If you'd like to read more about my commitment to read diversely, you can check out these posts: A challenge for Black History Month and January reading notes - got privilege?  Reading notes here and here also reference diverse books.

When I google "read diverse books," most of the results are articles directed toward teachers and parents and are recommendations of diverse books for K-12 children.  I'm so glad to see that.  As an educator, I deeply appreciate We Need Diverse Books, a "non-profit and grassroots organization of children's book lovers that advocates essential changes in the publishing industry to produce and promote literature that reflects and honors the lives of all young people."  Representation is so important.

We adults need to "walk the walk" and not just "talk the talk" when it comes to reading diverse books.  No matter what genre you prefer, there are plenty of diverse books to chose from.  All three of my current reads are books by Black authors.  They fall into three different genres - nonfiction/history, science fiction, and autobiography.  I appreciate my reading friends and my book club, as well as my local library and the internet, for introducing me to a variety of diverse authors with whom I was not familiar, including but not limited to: Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Viet Thanh Nguyen, Imbolo Mbue, Roxane Gay, Celeste Ng, Tracy K. Smith, Linda Hogan, Lisa Ko, and more...

*****

Currently reading, nonfiction - The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration by Isabel Wilkerson

Currently reading, fiction - Kindred by Octavia Butler

Currently listening, audiobook - Becoming by Michelle Obama

Solitude and muddy forest paths

I seek refuge in solitude,
to rediscover myself
on muddy forest paths.
breathing deep the damp air
standing firm and still
like the trees surrounding me.
a chipmunk skitters past
a mosquito lands on my phone
as I jot down these words.

My feet fall on
decomposing leaves
and exposed tree roots.
I walk through
unseen spider webs
that tickle me and
acknowledge me
as the first traveler
on this path today.

I seek solitude, but
I am not alone.
the persistent chatter of
bird voices that range
from adamant to meek.
a softball game from
a more civilized
area of this park
the crack of a bat
and the players calling
"you got this!"
"go deep!"
I gather those messages
for myself as well.

I approach a sign
the illustration of two figures
with backpacks and walking sticks
and a large arrow indicating a path.
not three feet beyond which
a large tree has fallen
and blocks the way.
I accept the invitation and
the challenge, climbing
over the tree trunk
and continuing on.

Intermittent wildflowers
dot the forest with bursts
of purple and yellow.
but today I revel in
the lifeblood of the forest -
the endless swaths
of green and brown.

Leaving the forested path
for park and pavement,
I spot someone's
backyard rooster ambling near
a parking space.  He has
flown the coop, perhaps
seeking solitude and refuge,
the same as me.

The drizzle begins just as
I arrive at my car.
my frizzy hair and
damp forehead are
evidence of the humidity
I have absorbed.
I have also absorbed
the abundance of the forest,
the strength of the trees
the songs of the birds,
the invigorating smells of
new life and fresh rain.
The refuge I sought,
I have found.

Refuge was sought and found at Kletzsch Park, one of many gems in the Milwaukee County Parks. 

*****

You might enjoy my other nature poems:

Transformation

found sound: noises natural & not

cell phone/nature poem for the first day of spring

I pretend I am someplace else.

in-between

Reading notes: catching up & planning for summer

My last blog post was three months ago (We're Different. We're the Same.)  I'm hoping to both write and read more now that I'm on summer break.  My last reading notes were posted on August 1, 2018.  That's almost a year's worth of reading to cover, so I'm just listing the books under categories with a few notes here and there.  Maybe you'll find something to add to your summer reading list:

the last four books I read

 Book obsessions and binge-reading

During my breaks from school, I tended toward old favorites and "comfort" reads.  I don't watch much television, so instead of "binge-watching," I binge-read.  Over winter break, I reread Jane Austen's novels.  Over spring break, during which I also happened to be very sick, I reread North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell.  (And watched the BBC miniseries adaptation of North and South twice on Netflix.)  Continuing my obsessions with Austen and Gaskell, I read a number of retellings or fan fiction throughout the spring   

Northager Abbey, Persuasion, Emma, Mansfield Park, Sense and Sensibility, and Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (rereads)

North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell (reread)

Unmarriageable (Pride and Prejudice in Pakistan) by Soniah Kamal

Pride by Ibi Zoboi  (a modern day Pride and Prejudice remix set in Brooklyn)

No Such Thing As Luck: A North and South Variation by Nicole Clarkson (fan fiction)

Fiction (with a few notes on the books I read most recently)

Once Upon a River by Diana Setterfield:  This story - part historical fiction, part fairy tale, part mystery - develops slowly and meanders, like the titular river.  I was drawn in by the fascinating characters, the historical elements, the river, and the focus on stories and storytelling.

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller:  I've always been a fan of Greek mythology.  This is a beautifully-written retelling that focuses on the relationship between Achilles and Patroclus. 

Solar Storms by Linda Hogan  (book club):  I appreciate book club for introducing me to books I may never otherwise read.  This is a lyrical coming-of-age story and a fascinating (and often heart-breaking) look at Native American culture and history

The Leavers by Lisa Ko  (book club):  Highly-recommended!  Identity, belonging, borders...topics at the forefront of current events.  This is a compelling and sometimes heartbreaking/sometimes hopeful story about an undocumented Chinese immigrant and her son.

Nothing to Lose: Stories by Kim Suhr:  Intriguing short stories with a local/regional flair.  Suhr is the Director of Red Oak Writing, a great resource for local writers.  You can read more about her and the book here.   

In a Dark, Dark Wood by Ruth Ware

Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel  (book club; reread)

Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver  (book club; reread)

Mrs. Lincoln's Dressmaker by Jennifer Chiaverini

A Constellation of Vital Phenomena by Anthony Marra

Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate

Almost Maine by John Cariani

Youth & young adult literature

All of these are really good reads that deal with important topics.  I recommend them all, but my favorites from this list are the two novels by Sharon Draper. 

Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds:  A novel in verse about gun violence; packs a powerful punch.

Harbor Me by Jacqueline Woodson

On the Come Up by Angie Thomas:  The second novel from the author of The Hate U Give.

Copper Sun by Sharon Draper

Out of My Mind by Sharon Draper

Nonfiction

Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World by Cal Newport:  A good read from Newport.  I wrote about his book Deep Work in a previous post.

Lost Cat: A True Story of Love, Desperation, and GPS Technology by Caroline Paul:  A very fun story with great illustrations!

The Color of Law: A Forgotten History of How Our Government Segregated America by Richard Rothstein:  I read this for a discussion group.  It's infuriating how entrenched racist government policies have been even in recent history.  A good companion to Evicted by Matthew Desmond.  See more about Evicted in this post.

Not Always Happy: An Unusual Parenting Journey by Kari Wagner-Peck:  A moving and inspiring memoir about adopting a child with Down syndrome and advocating for him within a frustrating education system.  Might be of particular interest to parents of children with special needs and educators.

*****

Member of my household:  "You can't just read all summer."
Me:  "Oh yes I can." (especially if I'm sitting outside in the sun)

current TBR pile with four more books on hold at the library