Tuesday, November 22, 2016

lost. and found.

I haven't blogged or written much at all these past few months.  I lost my voice.  In uncertainty and changes and insecurity and all-the-same-old-excuses.  Sometimes there are just so many thoughts and ideas.  They come to me when I'm falling asleep or taking a shower or driving.  I rehearse the ideas in my head, or I push them away.  I'll write that down later.  Yet over and over again, I don't write anything down.  Until it's hard to begin again.  But last Friday night, as I sat in a coffee shop, I wrote down these words.  It is a start.  I am finding my way back again. 





lost. and found.

the words have remained up there
jumbled together
in my head
now jumbled
on the page

we must write carefully
neat penmanship
sweet, quiet, docile
neat words
edited to perfection
carefully formed
to not offend

and yet why

rather
let the words
spill out
sloppy handwriting
smudged ink
and all

the notebook page
stained with
spilled coffee
as i wait
what am i
waiting for

this messy world
breaks my heart
at times
fills it up others
sometimes to overfull

keeping it all
contained
because...
we're not supposed to
"rock the boat"
disagree - resist
reveal - express

we're not supposed to
"get emotional"
which is what
they call it
when you
express an
opinion - view
experience - thought

stay quiet, nice?
NO. NO. NO.

I will not
I will not
stay quiet
I will not
worry about
what anyone thinks
or
worry about
making people
feel better about
who they are
or
what they believe

use your voice

I'll use mine.
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4 comments:

  1. UnknownNovember 23, 2016 at 9:48 AM

    Good for you, Mary. I feel when you are brave with your voice, more times than not, you inspire someone else to be brave with theirs. That said I too have been quiet. My blog may as well have a vacancy sign out front...but there's a path back to it and I feel as if it's getting shorter. Glad to have seen your post on FB, our class with Christie last year feels like a lifetime ago right now. Know that your post let some light in, thank you. Elin

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    Replies
    1. MaryNovember 23, 2016 at 10:23 AM

      Elin, thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. It means a lot to me. The class does seem like such a long time ago. I look forward to seeing you back on your blog soon.

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  2. LoriNovember 24, 2016 at 9:50 AM

    Wise words. I remember having a similar conversation with you when you first began the blog. We talked about the vulnerability of "putting ourselves out there." I'm still not very good at it. I like to stick to the safety of personal, intimate conversation. I'm not so much worried about what people will think of me but more that I will be misunderstood or, others might read what I have to say but no conversation ensues and I'll feel disappointed. I'm protecting my tender heart from both of those. Honestly, I don't believe either misunderstanding or disappointment will break me. I guess, like many, I just don't make it a priority. What is right in front of me gets my attention and feels like the most important thing right now. Some strong voices are going to be needed in the days ahead, I imagine. Brave and compassionate voices. Thanks for inspiring me and the masses.

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    Replies
    1. MaryNovember 24, 2016 at 10:20 AM

      Thanks for your always insightful comments, Lori. I also typically find that "what is right in front of me gets my attention." And I'm usually somewhat hesitant to put myself out there, but almost always glad when I do. I'm so grateful that you and others found this post inspirational.

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