lost. and found.

I haven't blogged or written much at all these past few months.  I lost my voice.  In uncertainty and changes and insecurity and all-the-same-old-excuses.  Sometimes there are just so many thoughts and ideas.  They come to me when I'm falling asleep or taking a shower or driving.  I rehearse the ideas in my head, or I push them away.  I'll write that down later.  Yet over and over again, I don't write anything down.  Until it's hard to begin again.  But last Friday night, as I sat in a coffee shop, I wrote down these words.  It is a start.  I am finding my way back again. 

lost. and found.

the words have remained up there
jumbled together
in my head
now jumbled
on the page

we must write carefully
neat penmanship
sweet, quiet, docile
neat words
edited to perfection
carefully formed
to not offend

and yet why

rather
let the words
spill out
sloppy handwriting
smudged ink
and all

the notebook page
stained with
spilled coffee
as i wait
what am i
waiting for

this messy world
breaks my heart
at times
fills it up others
sometimes to overfull

keeping it all
contained
because...
we're not supposed to
"rock the boat"
disagree - resist
reveal - express

we're not supposed to
"get emotional"
which is what
they call it
when you
express an
opinion - view
experience - thought

stay quiet, nice?
NO. NO. NO.

I will not
I will not
stay quiet
I will not
worry about
what anyone thinks
or
worry about
making people
feel better about
who they are
or
what they believe

use your voice

I'll use mine.