See the trees

A few weeks ago, during a solitary and leisurely walk through Kern Park, I took some photographs of my favorite trees.  It was a gloomy day, but the trees stood strong and beautiful with their solid trunks and bare arms.  These amateur photos don't truly capture their essence, but I hope you get an idea of their magnificence.  I think of these particular trees as old friends, and I enjoy greeting them as they change throughout the seasons.  I often remember the time - several years ago - when my children and I had been hiking along the Milwaukee River and in Kern Park, and a friendly woman stopped to offer us a short lesson in natural history.  She told us that these large trees with the “camouflage” bark are sycamores or plane trees.

All those years ago, I really appreciated the kindly walker who stopped to converse with us at the park. We should take every opportunity to open children’s eyes to the natural world around us, so they appreciate it now and grow into adults who will help preserve it.  Because of children's natural curiosity and enthusiasm for living things, it's fairly easy to get them interested.  More often than not, they are the ones to point things out to us or to see things in new ways.  In some journal notes from that nature walk, I wrote that we were particularly excited that day because we had observed some spectacular woodpeckers up close and had found a frog.  I quote my then ten year old son as saying:  “I can’t believe how much wildlife there is in these Wisconsin forests!”  I noted his sincere enthusiasm for the nature in our own city neighborhood and the importance of appreciating and preserving the natural spaces in our backyards, not just those we visit on vacations or see in nature documentaries.    

The thing about adults is that sometimes we are too preoccupied or in too much of a hurry to really see things.  My reflections on these trees, and my remembrances of nature walks with my children, both connect to some reading and research I have been doing about artist Corita Kent.  In the book Learning by Heart:  Teachings to Free the Creative Spirit by Kent and Jan Steward, she writes about observation, seeing things and looking at them in new ways.  She says:

"If you have a child or two or three, or can borrow one, let her give you beginning lessons in looking." 

Children may see things with a sense of curiosity, attention and appreciation that we adults have lost.  There is an assignment in the same book in which Kent talks about looking at trees:

"Look at a tree and its shape.  Look at the part the leaves play in making the shape you see and look at the part the trunk and branches play in making the structure you see."

She also writes:

"When you get past making labels for things, it is possible to combine and transform elements into new things.  Look at things until their import, identity, name, use, and description have dissolved."

While looking at trees or their parts, while viewing them from different angles, while really seeing them - they can inspire us, and they can even transform in our minds into new ideas and new things.  These are the intersections that are occurring in my own mind, among the things I'm thinking about and reading and doing.  I love the synchronicity, the connections.  

My favorite trees remind me of so much that is important.

*****

You might also like:
Nature Therapy
The Place Where You Live - Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Minimalist Mary says, "These boots were made for walking..."

I walked in these boots for seventeen winters.

I bought these boots when I was pregnant with my oldest child.  He will be seventeen years old in March.  As my husband and I were cleaning the basement a few months ago, I decided to finally get rid of them.  The inside lining had deteriorated and was breaking down.  They were pretty uncomfortable to wear last winter and really worn on the outside too.  Because of their longevity, I just had to take a photo of these boots before I tossed them.

Why did I wear the same boots for so many years?
A.)  I don't like shopping.
B.)  I'm frugal.
C.)  My family's income is modest.
D.)  I like to spend money on things/experiences that matter most to me and my family.
E.)  All of the above.

The answer is E.  I could have replaced my boots sooner.  The boots aren't really the point at all.  We have many household, wardrobe or other items that are "old," but why replace them if they are doing their jobs just fine.  As the vintage saying goes:  "Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without."  I strive to live by that philosophy, and it intertwines nicely with the answers to the multiple choice question above.  

A.)  I don't enjoy shopping as a recreational activity.  I know that some people do enjoy shopping, and the often-crowded parking lots at the mall definitely attest to that.  If you enjoy shopping, go for it.  It's just not fun for me.  I pretty much avoid stores and the mall, unless a family member needs something specific and needs it now. 

It helps that I am a minimalist and don't like having a lot of stuff.  In my mind, lots of stuff equals lots of work because you have to store it, clean it and generally take care of it.  My one weakness might be books, but even in that area I have evolved.  I know that many people feel the way I do about letting go of possessions and feeling lighter.  There are numerous blogs dedicated to simplicity and minimalism.  A friend recently posted about the 2015 in 2015 Decluttering Challenge from the blog Nourishing Minimalism, and I've decided to participate. 

B.) & C.)  Being frugal and living on a modest income often go hand-in-hand but aren't necessarily mutually exclusive.  Some people who have a lot of disposable income chose frugality, because they want to invest their money or travel extensively or donate it to their favorite causes.

I've been interested in the simplicity movement and frugality since I was a young adult and before I had a family.  I remember reading Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin.  The underlying theme - "money = life energy" - really made an impression on me.  It helped me become more thoughtful about how I spend money.  When I stopped working full-time over fourteen years ago, frugality became more of a focus.  It was then that  I read The Complete Tightwad Gazette by Amy Dacyczyn.  More recently, I followed a number of blogs on frugality.

D.)  Lastly - whether we are just getting by or whether we have a lot of disposable income - shouldn't we take care to spend money in ways that are specific and meaningful to our own lives?  A case in point from my life is my simple wedding ring.  I am not at all interested in and don't wear jewelry, so I didn't want a diamond engagement ring.  It's just not me.  Why would I have my husband spend a lot of money on something I don't even want just because that's what everyone else does?  Another example from my own family happened this past Christmas.  We kept the gift-giving really low-key with our children, and my husband and I didn't even exchange gifts, because we wanted to spend our money on a long-wished-for family excursion to Chicago. 

It's different for everyone.  Some people are foodies - for them it makes sense to spend money on fine dining or professional kitchen appliances or expensive ingredients for the meals they love to create.  I know people who love to travel and choose to live in simple and inexpensive housing arrangements, so that they can spend their money to see the world.  Others may prefer to invest in a large home, or a piece of land to farm, or a lake property, because that's important to them.  Some people find meaning and happiness in their hobbies or recreational pursuits and choose to spend money on those.  There can be as many different examples are there are people.  The point is to be mindful of how you are spending your resources, both time and money.

As for me, I'm off to snuggle on our cozy $25 couch from Goodwill and read a good, free book from the library...     

I guess I could have saved one of my boots for this purpose. (Photo taken at Mitchell Park Domes.)

January reading notes: mostly about Mindset

Did January really last thirty-one days?  It seemed about a week long.  I'm not sure why.  During this seemingly short month, I read four books, two nonfiction titles and two novels.

Mindset:  The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D.

I have read about Dr. Dweck's research in a variety of other books and blogs and have been wanting to read her book for some time.  It was full of sticky-note flags by the time I was done with it! 

A growth mindset is the belief that: 

"...your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts.  Although people may differ in every which way - in their initial talents and aptitudes, interests, or temperaments - everyone can change and grow through application and experience."

People with a growth mindset tend to have more accurate views of their abilities and limitations.  Since they believe in their potential to grow and change, they are open to accurate assessments that help them to learn effectively.  People with a fixed mindset are less able to handle constructive feedback, because they believe that their skills and abilities are fixed.  Those with a fixed mindset "opt for success over growth," so they are always trying to prove they are special or better.

Growth and fixed mindsets also differ in how they explain outcomes. With the fixed mindset - "everything is about the outcome. If you fail - or if you're not the best - it's all been wasted. The growth mindset allows people to value what they're doing regardless of the outcome." Those with a fixed mindset attempt to make themselves feel better after a failure by blaming or making excuses. Those with a growth mindset don't need to make excuses or blame others, because they believe they can always improve.

Dweck writes about people who have succeeded in various fields - athletics, the arts, business, education - because of their growth mindset. She also gives concrete ideas of how we can grow our mindset. It can be as simple as how we talk about and learn from our failures. There are a lot of implications for education and parenting. As Dweck writes, "The great teachers believe in the growth of the intellect and talent, and they are fascinated with the process of learning." She also highlights the importance of how parents talk to their children. Meaningless, insincere or results-only praise can foster the fixed mindset. Praise is better focused on effort, choices and strategies. She discusses how mindset can impact marriages and other adult relationships as well. Her examples are clear and convincing, and her advice is practical. I highly recommend this book.

My favorite quote in the book:

"Just because some people can do something with little or no training, it doesn't mean that others can't do it (and sometimes do it better) with training."

I saw this great graphic on Facebook recently.  As best I can tell, it was designed by Reid Wilson.

There is a ten minute TED talk by Dr. Dweck - "The power of believing that you can improve" - that highlights some concepts from her book.

Building Resilience in Children and Teens:  Giving Kids Roots and Wings by Kenneth Ginsburg

Dr. Ginsburg gave a few presentations recently to local high school students, teachers and staff;  I'm so glad that I attended one of his talks.  He's a very dynamic and engaging speaker with an important message.  Dr. Ginburg was brought in by a local group, called RedGEN.  Part of the group's mission is "to promote balance and resiliency in the lives of our youth and families," and Dr. Ginsburg's message definitely fits.  He makes a point, both in his talk and in the book, that we should be looking not to raise kids to be successful 18 year olds.  But rather, we should focus on raising our kids to be happy 30 or 35 year olds.  The point being that our society (middle class America, at least) is focused on the attainment of achievements and grades at the high school level, with the main goal of getting into a good college.  This focus and pressure is very misplaced, Dr. Ginsburg asserts, when in fact choice of college mostly just determines a person's first job.  Statistics indicate that college grads today will be in their first jobs for an average of about eighteen months.  For every job after that, experience and performance will matter more than college status.

This book is a great resource that covers a lot of ground and summarizes the research of others, which you'll recognize if you've read a few parenting books.  (He even writes and speaks about Carol Dweck and Mindset.)  But he also sets out some new frameworks.  The emphasis on resilience and the challenge to our society's misplaced focus on grades and achievements (to fill college applications) are particularly compelling.  I also like how he defines and explores the Seven Crucial Cs of Resilience:  competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping and control.

Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

I read Stargirl a couple of years ago.  I like this book and its message about the importance of individuality and accepting those who are different.  I wasn't quite as "wowed" as most reviewers on Goodreads.  (I might rate Spinelli's Loser and Maniac Magee higher, but I read them several years ago and would have to revisit.)  My daughter and I listened the audiobook in January in anticipation of seeing a play adapted from the book, put on by our local children's theater group.  I thought the play was great.  My daughter liked it too, but she thought the book was better.  The differences between books and their theater (or movie) adaptations make for great discussions.   

 Moonstone by Wilkie Collins

A Woman in White really captivated me in December, so I decided to read another Wilkie Collins novel.  It took me a bit longer to get into this one, and it wasn't quite as compulsively readable as A Woman in White.  I still enjoyed it very much.  Moonstone is said to be the first detective novel in the English language and was originally serialized in Charles Dickens' magazine All the Year Round.    




*****

P.S.  What I'm reading now:

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (with my daughter)
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer

What are you reading?