Shopping is NOT a recreational activity

Shopping is NOT a recreational activity.  Am I right?  Further, I recently experienced my own personal version of the deepest pits of hell - swimsuit shopping.  I like to swim - laps, a dip in the pool or lake, waterparks.  So I really want to wear something that is for moving and not just sitting on the side.  That means it has to actually stay in place while I move.  In addition, I prefer some coverage.  That's a tall order these days.  As I discussed with a friend - as far as swimsuit styles go, I really should have been born in Victorian times.  The billowy skirts would be annoying, but I can imagine wearing something similar to these suits:

Victoriana Magazine: http://www.victoriana.com/library/Beach/FashionableBathingSuits.htm

Let me be clear - I'm not really concerned with what other people wear when they swim, unless they are my offspring.  If you feel comfortable in your tiny bikini, then that's you.  For my part, I like to be active and somewhat covered up.  There aren't many options in the stores for me.

Good thing my daughter came swimsuit shopping with me, because:
1)  I would have thrown up my arms in defeat and not bought anything without her there to encourage me.
2)  I couldn't have gotten into or out of a couple of the contraptions "so-called swimsuits" by myself.

I was searching for a two-piece tankini style swimsuit with shorts.  The tops, in particular, can be tricky to get on and off.  And they really don't provide much coverage.  It struck me...  We live in a society where it's totally acceptable to walk around publicly at the beach or pool in a swimsuit top with just a tiny triangle of material covering only about one-fourth of each breast.  And yet many people will be outraged if you show just a wee bit of your breast while publicly feeding your baby.  Doesn't make sense...

Now that I have completed my bathing suit rant, I will move on to my public declaration that I do not consider shopping to be a recreational activity.
Recreational activities = biking, making crafts, reading, playing sports or games, watching t.v. or movies, talking to friends, going to the theater or a concert, gardening, etc.
Not a recreational activity = walking around stores/malls when you don't actually need anything

Don't most people (most of us in this country at least) already have TOO-MUCH-STUFF?  We have so much stuff that there are stores that sell stuff to help us organize our other stuff!  And there are numerous books, blogs and websites about organizing, tidying and decluttering.  There are whole businesses and consulting firms built up around helping people manage their stuff.

Last week I shopped at Costco for the first time.  For a shopping-hater like me, the appeal of big box stores is that they have pretty much everything under one roof, so you don't have to go to multiple stores.  The downside is also that they have everything under one roof, a lot of which you don't need.  And they are huge and overwhelming.  This is why I love Aldi.  No frills, just food (and a very small section of random seasonal items).  And because Aldi doesn't provide free bags, they encourage environmental stewardship.  I never forget to bring my reusable bags when I shop there.

There are a few types of shopping venues I sometimes enjoy, even if I don't need anything and am just browsing.  But even these I'll take in small doses:
- bookstores
- art supply & office supply shops
- small unique variety stores (like Fischberger's in Milwaukee)
- marketplaces or handicraft shops in other countries

*****

What are your thoughts on shopping?

Blog anniversary, a summer challenge & thoughts on blogging

Happy one-year blog anniversary to Commonplace & Curious!  I first blogged on June 18, 2014.  But today is a good day to officially recognize my blog anniversary, because it was on June 23rd of last year that I started my thirty-day blog challenge.  The blog challenge really helped me gain some momentum.  It's true that I didn't blog on any specific schedule after that.  Still, this is my 56th post.  That means an average of at least one post per week.  I'll take it.  In fact, my official summer goal is to blog once per week.  With a new part-time job and lots of necessary running around with the tween & teenagers plus (hopefully) some doses of summer fun, I think once a week is a realistic goal.  Plus, I have another creative project that I hope to work on this summer; more to come on that later.

What have I learned from blogging (if sporadically) for one year?  I could think of lots of things...  Since it's already getting late, I'll limit myself to what comes to mind quickly:

1)  Momentum is key, as it is with so many habits.  The more frequently I blog, the more motivated I am to keep up with it.  It's very hard to get back to blogging after neglecting it for weeks or a month at a time.   

2)  My motivation to blog has to be simple - write it and share it.  (Why write at all is a topic I covered in this blog post.)  It's best not to have any expectations about whether any one reads it or not.  However, I am so grateful to those friends, family and acquaintances who have taken the time to read any of my blog posts.  At times, I have been disappointed by what seems like a lack of interest or support from some people in my life.  And by support I mean - maybe read just one post and mention it or comment?  With that in mind, I asked a writer-friend about this feeling.  I loved her advice - show people the support that you'd like them to show you, and then let it go.  Brilliant - the golden rule!  So I try to be intentional about doing that - support friends when they tell me about or post about their lives, whether it be work, hobbies, art, music, business, family, travels or whatever means a lot to them.  

3)  I'm still learning to let go of being a perfectionist when it comes to writing, and blogging has certainly helped me make progress in that regard.  And I'm going to let go right now, by wrapping up this post here.

Happy summer!

*****

You may also like:
On putting yourself out there, vulnerability & connection

Open windows, silver linings, lemonade & rolling with the changes

a cloud with a silver lining 

"Reverend Mother always says when the Lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window."
"Every cloud has a silver lining."
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."
"Keep on rollin', keep on rollin', oh you got to learn to roll with the changes."

What do a quote from The Sound of Music (variations of which are attributed to Alexander Graham Bell, Helen Keller and King Ethelred the Unready), two somewhat overused idioms, and song lyrics from REO Speedwagon have in common?

Change is constant, and life doesn't always turn out the way we thought or planned; but, if we have a fluid attitude toward change and disappointment, then we can find our way.  I include myself among those who find change and disappointment to be difficult.  But the older I get, the easier it is to roll with the changes.  Perhaps my standards are lower, or my expectations are less lofty.  I'm more used to the idea that things almost never turn out exactly as planned.  My hopes and dreams are heavily intertwined with the lives of the people I love, my family, and are less about me personally.  As my children are growing into young adults at a rapid pace, change is ever present in our family.  On a personal level, in a world of seemingly endless opportunities, some of my choices have been made.  Not entirely, but to some extent, my decisions along the way have created my life circumstances.  Whether I am content about my choices or regret them is immaterial, certain doors have been closed while many windows remain open.  

By nature, I'm not an optimist.  I'm a bit of a dreamer, though, with a side of melancholy for good measure.  Despite that, I do have this optimistic attitude that everything I have done or experienced (good and bad) helps me learn and grow and makes me who I am.  It's a more measured version of "what doesn't kill me, makes me stronger."  For example, various jobs I've had over the years helped me realize that certain types of work or work environments were not a good fit for me.  Another example - negative experiences with certain people or personalities have taught me about relationships and what kind of person I want to be.  To be very clear, however, I'm no Pollyanna.  I don't believe that every bad situation has some good or positive aspect to it.  War, genocide, abuse, starvation - no silver linings there.  But there are many situations in which we can indeed make lemonade from lemons.

I had been looking for a part-time job for several months with little success.  During the fall and winter months, I applied for several jobs.  I had very high hopes with two of them, for which I thought I was very well qualified.  The first job was working from home and involved transcribing meetings from audio files.  After applying, I was contacted to do an online test.  I completed the test and felt quite confident.  I could follow the audio, I'm a quick typist, and I have good grammar and writing skills.  I felt pretty deflated when I found out that I did not pass the test and wouldn't be considered for the job.  A few weeks later, I applied for another job for which I thought I was well-suited because it required both education and library experience.  I have an extensive variety of experience in both of those settings.  I went through an extremely detailed and bureaucratic application process, and then I didn't hear back for two months.  And although I didn't take any actual test this time, I received a response in April that my rank for the job was "10," but that only the top five candidates would be considered.  Again, I felt a bit deflated and started thinking that I might not be as qualified as I think I am.

So, those doors closed.  And a window did open.  Not for a while, but it did open.  I had to see it first, which is why I like this version of the quote attributed to Alexander Graham Bell:  

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.

It's not all about fate.  We have to do our part too.  We have to see the open doors or windows and the silver linings.  We have to be willing to make lemonade and roll with the changes.  So when I saw this other job opportunity, I didn't consider it at first.  But then I took a second look and applied for it.  From the interview, I found out that it was a wonderful opportunity and a great match.  I was hired.  It's a much better fit than the jobs I didn't get.  The work is more interesting, varied and dynamic; and, it's for a program that has a mission to serve others.  That's the silver lining. 

Sometimes the silver linings develop over time.  My husband and I sometimes joke about living in a duplex down by the river.  It's true - we live in a duplex, and it's near the river.  Our joke comes from aligning our situation with the classic Saturday Night Live skits featuring motivational speaker Matt Foley, played hilariously by Chris Farley.  If you were watching SNL in the mid-1990s, you know what I'm talking about.  If you don't know, I highly recommend that you watch some of the skits here.  The character's trademark line was that his audience didn't want to end up like him, "35 years old, thrice divorced, and living in a van down by the river!"  We're more than a decade past 35 years old, we're still married, and we are living in a duplex rather than a van down by the river.  Our joke is that this house was to be our "starter house," and yet here we are almost twenty years later.  Things didn't work out the way we thought they would when we were newly-married home buyers.  But that's okay.  It's more than okay - it's great.  Our home, our neighborhood, our little place in the city have become somewhat beloved by us all.  Staying here has meant that we've been able to make other choices that have blessed our family immensely.  Silver linings.

Some situations are just plain bad or difficult.  But sometimes we find our way through changes and disappointments.  So, when you can, look for the silver linings and open windows, make lemonade, and roll with the changes.  Wishing you all the best as you embrace your own journey!              

February through May reading notes: six-word book reviews

I heard about Six-Word Memoirs on NPR a number of years ago.  Here's the brief (albeit longer than six words) history of Six-Word Memoirs:

Since the Six-Word Memoir® debuted as a project of SMITH Magazine in November 2006, nearly 1 million short stories have been shared on Six-Word Memoirs...

I haven't tried writing a six-word memoir yet.  But in the pursuit of brevity, I am attempting to review or describe in just six words each of the twenty books that I have read over the past four months, several of which are pictured below.  

Here are the books in the order I read them, from February through the end of May:

The Untethered Soul:  The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer
Too new age-y, but good message.

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
A favorite classic revisited with daughter. 

Someday is Now:  The Art of Corita Kent by Ian Berry
Artist, former nun makes beautiful art.

All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque
Beautifully-rendered and heartbreaking war story. 

Learning by Heart:  Teachings to Free the Creative Spirit by Corita Kent and Jan Stewart
Artist's inspiring ideas that nurture creativity. 

Sir Gawain and the Green Knight by Michael Morpugo
Entertaining retelling of classic for youngsters. 

Mercy in the City:  How to Feed the Hungry, Give Drink to the Thirsty, Visit the Imprisoned, and Keep your Day Job by Kerry Weber
Short, inspiring book about serving others.

Otto of the Silver Hand by Howard Pyle
I love this children's historical novel!

A Long Way to Verona by Jane Gardam
Nicely drawn characters; plot just okay.  

One Person/Multiple Careers:  A New Model for Work/Life Success by Marci Alboher
Relevant, interesting theme; author gets repetitive.

Can't We Talk About Something More Pleasant?  by Roz Chast
Graphic novel memoir - sad, poignant, recommended.

Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell
Children's historical, adventure novel - really good.

A Reading Guide to Island of the Blue Dolphins by Patricia McHugh
Good background information and discussion ideas.

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
All should read - sad, inspiring, true.

Sing Down the Moon by Scott O'Dell
More good children's fiction from O'Dell.

Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver
Kingsolver writes well; sometimes gets preachy.

Number the Stars by Lois Lowry
Childen's historical fiction, brief and beautiful.

The Constant Princess by Philipa Gregory
Gregory good at historical chick lit.

Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail by Cheryl Strayed
Was hesitant to read - liked it!

The Swimmer by Joakim Zander
Great summer read - suspenseful page-turner.

**********

That was pretty fun.  Maybe I'll attempt using the six-word format for another writing project...

As for reading, I have high hopes to do a lot of it this summer.  I'm currently reading Bossypants by Tina Fey.  How about you?  What are you reading now?  What's on your summer reading list?

Modern-life maladies & their antidotes

Starting Sunday, I am participating in Screen-Free Week.  For me, the observance of Screen-Free week is a structured sabbatical from screens.  I don't watch much television, but other screens do take up a lot of my time.  It's so easy to just "quickly" check e-mail or see what's happening on Facebook.  There are news stories and interesting articles to read and heartfelt or funny videos to watch.  Most of this checking and reading and watching is unnecessary, and added together it substantially chips away at my time.  Time that I say I don't have for other pursuits because I'm too busy.

Earlier this week, my daughter and I and a few friends visited a local artist at his home and studio.  It was an incredibly inspiring experience!  This artist works in a variety of media, and the home he shares with his wife is itself a work of art.  He also works in local schools and is a dedicated husband, father and grandfather.  I was amazed at the scope and extent of everything he does.  When I asked him about motivation and focus, he said that he really just loves what he does and that's the key.  He also mentioned using all the random bits of time in a day to work on his art.  Time that I might be using to look at a screen, I thought to myself.  Obviously, someone who makes his living as a full-time artist is different than those of us just trying to do some creative work on the side.  Still, it was inspiring to see his passion and commitment to his work.  It made me think of all the aspects of modern life that can tempt us away from our creative work or passions or hobbies.  I thought of three main maladies: 

1)  Multi-tasking - It turns out that multi-tasking isn't so great after all.  If you're interested in the research, watch this or read this.  I don't need any convincing.  When I try to do too much at the same time, it inevitably backfires in some way.  I forget about the laundry sitting in the washer all day, break a glass while hurriedly washing dishes, and start a writing project but never finish it.  Some simpler jobs can be combined effectively:  I can carry on a decent phone conversation while folding laundry.  But intermixing too many tasks often results in doing a lot of things badly or incompletely rather than doing a few things well.  

Antidote - Focus on one thing at a time.  Cultivate paying attention and mindfulness.  Eliminate distractions as much as possible; see #3 below.

2)  Busyness - We are so proud of our busyness sometimes, aren't we?  I'm guilty.  The truth is - we might not be quite as busy as we think we are.  And we might be making choices that reinforce the busyness we supposedly lament.  We have elevated busyness to a virtue, according to this article.  Yet in reality, busyness is more like a disease according to this blog post.  I recommend both of those links as excellent reads, by the way.   

Antidote - Avoid multi-tasking; see #1 above.  Say no sometimes - you actually can't do everything, at least not at the same time.  Stop telling yourself you're so busy.  Eliminate distractions and time-wasters; see #3 below.

3)  Distraction & time-wasters - These will be different for everyone.  My distractions and time-wasters are mostly of the electronic kind, and I suspect that's the case for many people.  For me, it might be compulsively checking e-mail or Facebook.  For others, it might be excessively checking sports scores, stocks or news updates.  Or it could be spending several hours per day watching television or playing videos games.  There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these activities, but in excess they take time away from other activities, result in ineffective multi-tasking (#1) and contribute to our feeling that we are constantly busy (#2).

Antidote - Limit distractions.  This is not an easy task, nor does it have a one-size-fits-all solution.  For my part, I'll take my screen-free sabbatical next week.  

You might also enjoy these blog posts:

I don't need to know about Mario Puzo and other lessons from Screen-Free Week
The Case for Space (about the role of technology in our lives)
The Case for Creating:  make stuff; it feels good.

On facing my demons & being inspired by others

Last week, I worked on a number of different potential blog posts and/or essays, but I didn't complete any of them.  It was a pretty heavily-scheduled week in terms of family, school, volunteer and work commitments.  Still, if I'm a writer - then I make time for writing no matter what.  There will always be other "things" going on.  I haven't blogged for several weeks; my last post was March 4th.  I haven't yet discovered the secret to blogging consistently or meeting my other writing goals.  Because there is no secret.  I just have to do it.  I'm super-talented at making excuses, procrastinating and wasting time when it comes to writing.  My perfectionist tendencies, the fear of failure and the voices of doubt all conspire to help me with my excuse-making, procrastination and time-wasting.  It's possible to overcome these demons with sheer willpower, consistent schedules, good habits and some accountability.  Why am I able to just get things done and complete projects in other areas of my life, but not with my writing?  I don't procrastinate or waste time in anticipation of making my bed each morning or flossing my teeth every night.  The difference, of course, is that my self-worth isn't at all intertwined with how I make my bed or floss my teeth.  Sure, the dental hygienist always mentions that I could do a better job of flossing.  But I don't take it personally.  I also don't worry that someone will come into my bedroom and say that I suck at making my bed.  With my writing, however, the critical voice is there.  The voice that says... "Maybe this sucks."  "You're not a good writer."  "They might think it's stupid."  "Who do you think you are?"

While I was "thinking about" blogging last week, my daughter just went ahead and blogged.  You see, she doesn't "think about" all the stuff I do.  Thankfully, none of my children seem to have inherited my perfectionist tendencies (or at least not to a great degree).  My daughter didn't mull over whether people would like her post or not.  She doesn't revise her blog posts twenty times before posting them.  She just decides she's going to blog and does it.  Interestingly enough, I had been writing recently about how important modeling is to effective parenting, because what you do and how you behave are infinitely more significant than what you say.  At the same time, I was struck by how my daughter can be a model for me.  She hasn't developed all the doubts or fears that I have when it comes to writing.  I hope she never does.  She models for me just getting it done.  Then I thought of other examples of people doing their thing and getting stuff done.  And I felt inspired!  It's possible to see what other people are doing and feel inadequate.  Most of us have felt that at one time or another.  We can choose, alternatively, to be inspired by others.  To see what they do and think it's great.  To see what they do and let it inspire and motivate us to do our own unique thing that we do.  Who was I inspired by last week?  An artist friend who showed her work at a gallery; friends, family & neighbors who volunteered in many different ways - cleaning up their neighborhoods, parenting or working with young people who have disabilities, planning events and raising funds for a variety of good causes, etc., etc.

In the spirit of being inspired and not listening to the doubting voices, I will not endlessly revise this post but simply click "publish" and be done!  In fact - this post turned out to be a bit different than I planned or thought, and that's okay!

How about you?  Who or what has inspired you lately?  What will you do with that inspiration?

random doodle because I am not going to procrastinate by looking for the perfect graphic companion to this post

The things they leave behind

Reminders to Mom
or the things they leave behind (or leave on, leave off, leave up, leave open...)

Nothing says, "We need a new box of Honeynut Cheerios, Mom," like putting the empty box back in the cabinet.  I have, in fact, collected a whole list of these little reminders or "helps" that have been enacted by my children and even sometimes (I suspect) by my husband.  Many of them deal with food.  Like, who returned the ginormous, ice-cream-bucket-size storage container to the refrigerator with just ONE teeny-tiny grape left rolling around in it?  Really?  Or what about the empty container of cream cheese?  There's a new container right there in the fridge, so clearly it's okay to go ahead and put the completely-empty-one in the recycling bin. 

And then there's this:  leaving the cat puke in the middle of the hall all day long while I was gone at meetings or running errands.  Thanks, everyone, but I'm not buying it.  Since our cats puke somewhat regularly, I don't really believe you left it there because you were concerned that you'd forget to tell me about possibly sick kitties.  Nope. 

I have heard at least one of my offspring excuse a light left on in an unoccupied room as, "But, Mom, I thought you were going to BE in that room."  Well, perhaps I was going to be in that room eventually.  Like maybe in two hours or tomorrow!  But you can turn the light off until then.  As far as leaving the cap off of the toothpaste tube or the top from the shampoo bottle or that sort of thing, well those transgressions are not quite as bad.  But please try not to permanently "misplace" the cap or top.  Of course, it almost goes without saying that a used-up roll of toilet paper will not be replaced.  And as it happens...I might just not hear you, dear ones, when you're the one who ends up sitting on the seat calling out desperately for a fresh roll.  I am getting older, and sometimes my hearing goes in and out a bit.  What can I say? 

As for the toilet seat itself, that age-old battleground of wills in many a household, we would need a statistics person to calculate the costs and benefits of leaving it up or putting it down.  I mean, there's the whole gender component of the calculation, with 2/5 of our household being female and 3/5 being male.  And then there's the issue of having to compute how many "number ones" and "number twos" people of various genders are having on a daily basis.  No, I'm not interested in doing the math.  Let's just put the seat down, please.  And if you do - then maybe my hearing will improve, and I'll bring you that new roll of toilet paper when you need it so desperately!    

*****

P.S.  I may have exaggerated just a tiny bit...